hey long hair gals,


  my friend commited adultery( i think thats how i spell it) . she confided in me and she said it has ruined her life and she cant get over it. i told her to repent and pray to god. she cries everyday. i hate to see her like this. any advice ladies?

As a friend, you can be there for her as she works this out.  I'd suggest she get professional counseling to assist her in dealing with her feelings and how to handle her relationships at this point.

If her action resulted in the termination of her marrige then she is experiencing the death of her relationship.  She will need to greive this as she is loosing the other person from her life.  I agree w/BB-help from a counselor will be significant, and supply her with assistance that goes beyond what a friend can offer.  Then, you will be there to help her work through the process of healing.

Good Luck to you both!

Sorry your friend is going through all that. :-/ :'(

is she religous? maybe she can talk to someone at church  and yes parying and councling could help

gratzee (thanks in italian)ladies,


 great advice , hopefully she will go to counseling. that would be good for her. :-/

hey beesan, :)


 she is not that religious. mistakes happen , no one is perfect thats what she says.

Whoa, facing your own failures and "badness" like that is very traumatic.  Hopefully she will go for counseling.  Friends are helpful too.  If she has any inclination now would be a good time to pray and check out a good church.  But she has to be so inclined.  Friends praying for her can help (we can't always do that for ourselves when we're in the pit).
Hopefully she can come through this time with a deeper understanding of herself and her loved ones, and growth as a person.

wrote on Sep 28^th, 2005 at 1:16am:

hey beesan, :)  she is not that religious. mistakes happen , no one is perfect thats what she says.

hey, Curlygirl22 :)

yes, of course no one is perfect but even a little faith could help

beesan, yes your right a little faith could help her.  


my friend has the prettiest hair. it is mid back a very loose curl. aurburn with gold highlights.  its all one length. very lovely hair.

preciouslocks, thanks hun. thanks great advice. you guys are hairwonderful. :P

I'm not religious, so my faith in power of prayer is quite low.

Counseling may help. But, even before that, there are things that your friend can do.

If I do something that I realize is wrong, I take a good moment to think of how I can prevent a similar thing from happening in future, and think of what I can learn from my mistake. Second part is, that I set myself some "penance"- a real good deed to do. The goal of that is not to atone for the thing I've done, but to show myself that I am serious about changing my ways and learning from my mistake. IMO, this step is necessary- a mind needs to "show itself" the serious intent before it can move on.

If I've done wrong to another person, I apologize and try to settle the matter with her. I think it's world's worst advice to advice someone to try to cover up her wrongdoing against another person. IMO, one must take responsibility for her actions and accept the consequences. Only after she has done that, the matter is cleared. In serious cases like adultery, the result might not be a happy life ever after, but at least she isn't committing the wrong of lying on top her previous bad actions.
 After doing these things, all there is to do is to move on in life, and hopefully avoid doing the same mistake again. Sometimes, if one does something very wrong, forgiving oneself can be hard, but it is easier, if one has managed to convince herself, that she has learned from her mistake.

galadriel thanks  :)

thats really good advice. i think i might print all this info and give it to her. i think it will help.  i think its hard to forgive ones self.  how does a person do that?

This is such a complex situation, there are so many factors and questions to ask.  I think the first question would be 'why' did she do it?  Was it just a foolish one night fling, did they have a few drinks and began feeling amorous and acted on it?  Maybe it's someone she has been friends with for a while,  feels very close to and actually has feelings for.  If that is the case the situation can get much messier.  So, I think understanding why it happened is definetly the first step.  Once she understands why, she needs to decide whether it will happen again. From what you have said, it sounds like she is very sorry she did it and wishes she could take it back.  I also think that if/when she decides to tell her husband she would have a bit more of a compelling argument if she has a reason why, because he WILL ask why!  Usually if not thought through the answer would be 'I don't know why', but maybe there is an underlying problem at hand that needs to be addressed, and believe me, this would be the time to address it!  I think people cheat on there spouses not because they want to hurt them or they don't love them, but maybe they feel like they are missing something, usually attention and affection.  As a marriage goes on, these two things are so easily overlooked and lost, and it causes one or both to go somewhere else to start looking for it, when in all reality, that is not the correct thing to do.  So while this may be very rocky for her for a while with her husband, it may actually turn out to be something to help pull them back together and work things out.  Sometimes you need a slap in the face to see the obvious.  Meanwhile, you can be there for her, listen to her and help her to understand what has happened and what might happen.  Try to figure out a way to turn this very negative situation into something positive and help her, or "coach" her if you will, as to how she is going to face her husband with this.  Help her to get her facts straight, be strong and face this situation head-on.  As a friend, this is about as much as you can do, she needs to do the rest.  Good luck to you both!

Just wondering how things are working out for you & your friend, hope all is OK!

hey maggie :),

she is ok now and in therapy.  

Glad to hear things are working out.  I've been on the other side of this (the one cheated on) and it's a rough road for both people.  It's gonna take time and work.  She is lucky to have a friend like you.

hey chilipepper! :)

thanks hun.  these are life altering situations. sometimes for the best. everything happens for a reason i guess. she is doing much better after therapy. im glad she went.  she was reluctant at first ,but she ended up going.

I'm glad to hear that she's getting the help she needs, my thoughts and best wishes are with her  :)

Yes, I believe everything happens for a reason too.  We may not like it but we should always try to learn from it.