:) Hi friends, my name is Shay. I'm very new to this site, just joined last night!! I joined because I came across the longlocks list of how to care for you hair..I have ruined my hair!! I started dying it (blond highlights and a few times even blond on the roots!!) when I was in my 20's..I'm 38 now. Anywayz..once I did the bleach thing, about 15 years ago..it fell out in bunches!! I literally had a chemical hair cut from that. I left it alone for a while after, cut it really short..and let it grow. Then, of course..had to color it again, but this time, using no bleach..just did the roots and a few lighter highlights..as the years went on, more damage..etc. I moved to Florida about 5 years ago..and did the whole blond thing all over again, but this time, no bleach on the roots, just highlights and color on base. (my natural base color is about a level  4 or a 5, and I bring it up to about a 7) THEN, stupidly..I tried extensions!! The ones with glue on the strip to your scalp, that was about a year or more ago..those totally ruined my hair thickness and gave me a layered hair cut by pulling some of it out. Recently, I have grown some of it back, and about 4 weeks ago my friend told me about these totally "safe" hair extensions which were done by doing a loose braid with a track of hair, and little clips to hold in place..so, I tried those, and now my hair is back to square one!! It is sooo thin, damaged from the coloring all these years..and I had to go get it cut short (right at my shoulders). I am sooo upset, because before I put these last extensions in, it was really growing back nicely..even though I was still coloring it.
My question is this..to start completely over..how much hair do you need to cut off?? I am already at shoulder length, and petrified of leaving the house..as I don't like how I look;( ALSO, wondering how I am going to deal with dark brown hair growing in..I look terrible with dark hair!! If anyone has any advice, please help!!

Thanks in advance for your friendly advice and expertise with hair!!

~sha;)

Welcome!

Oh my!  You do like to learn your lessons the hard way, don't you?  :'(

Trying to get a fresh start, you have two choices, cut off all the bad stuff and grow from there, or find a length you can at least style with your current condition, then keep trimming  regularly to maintain that length, until all the damage is cut off.

I know how hard it can be to resist the highlight, coloring, extension, etc.  But, if you really want healthy hair, those hair-frying things have to stop.

Good luck and I look forward to getting to know you better.  :)

Greetings and welcome, Peachygirl.

Deeeeeep breaths, girl. You will get through this, but things are gonna have to change. You know that already...otherwise you wouldn't be here, right?  ;)

First off, I suggest that you accept your natural colour and texture. They were given to you for a reason and Nature doesn't make mistakes. You don't look terrible with dark hair...only you think that, and that mindset is your real enemy.

Secondly, bleaching and highlighting are very damaging to hair. You mention avoiding putting highlights on the roots, but the truth is that it doesn't matter where you apply it. The damage is the same.
   The ends of your hair are older, lighter and drier than the roots, so highlighting or bleaching them only dries them out more.
   My younger sister has dark hair naturally, which she has highlighted for many years, and it is now totally fried from all of the processes she goes through trying to change her hair into something it's not. Basic point is: if your colouring is closer to Maria Callas or Sophia Loren, don't try to be Barbie or Marilyn Monroe.

Thirdly, if you've read The Ultimate Guide To Growing Long Hair, you already know that the first step to growing long, healthy hair is starting with healthy hair. In my father's words, "You can't make ice cream out of $#&%."  :-X  Ok, maybe a poor example. lol But the point is that long, healthy, shiny hair doesn't grow from damage. The damage, the whole damage and ALL of the damage must be cut off. It will feel nice to have a fresh, healthy start, too.  :)

So that seems like a decent place to start. Try to stop rejecting Nature and accept what you were given. It's far better to love (or at least live with) what you have.  ;)

Best of luck and happy growing.  :)

Welcome Peachygirl!  You are in the right place to learn,get advice and give it if you'd like! ;)

I completely agree that you probably don't look "terrible" in your natural hair color.  Either it doesn't fit your image of yourself, or it doesn't fit the image of what society thinks is beautiful.  

In terms of your self image, you have two choices.  You can continue changing your hair and getting the result you have been, or you can change your self image.  I understand that is far easier for me to type (only four words) than to do.  Believe me, if changing your self image was easy, my ticker would have a different topic!  

However, if you are attempting to conform to a societal image, look society straight in the eye and say "Pbbbbbbbbbt!"  Then enjoy your beautiful hair.

I LUV YOU ALL!!! you have no idea how much i needed this..ALL your words of wisdom are greatly appreciated :) I am sooo happy I found this site!! This is exactly the support group I need to get through this. For some strange reason, I guess my hair was more important to me than I thought..having healthy, long and shiny hair is my dream!! I know that sounds silly..but, already after a few days of not blowdrying, not flat ironing..taking yoga, taking vitamins..I already feel much better about the whole thing. A woman's hair is her crowning glory..at least that's how I feel about mine. I am so sorry I ruined it these past years..but, hopefully it will come back again!!


I am trying to reply to each of your posts..but there is only the option to reply at the end of the page..I will figure this out!!

hugz~shay

Quote:

A woman's hair is her crowning glory..at least that's how I feel about mine.

Amen, sister. That's how we all feel. See? You're already thinking like a true longhair.  ;)

Welcome Peachygirl!

I have to agree with everyone else in regards to your hair color issues.  I think a lot of brunettes share your plight.  When you look at television and magazines, you see so many glamorous women with dyed blonde hair.  It's so rampant that it creates a false standard of beauty making it difficult not to question your own beauty sometimes.  Not that blondes aren't beautiful, I just don't feel that we all have to be blonde and destroying our hair in the process.  As long as your hair is healthy, it will look beautiful on you no matter what the color.:)  


Quote:

I know that sounds silly..but, already after a few days of not blowdrying, not flat ironing..taking yoga, taking vitamins..I already feel much better about the whole thing.

It doesn't sound silly.  One of the benefits doing the right thing for your body (and hair) is peace of mind, and that does make you feel better. ;)

Angel Spun:  You really have the ability to make me laugh sometimes.  I love your dads saying! ;D