Thanx, ladies. 

Well, yesterday was indeed a clarifying day. I managed to do it while the 'rents were not at home. Current products for my clarifying routine are Pantene Purity shampoo, a distilled white vinegar rinse and Pantene Restoratives Breakage Defense conditioner. No leave-in's.
    Current clarifying method is wash once, vinegar rinse, wash again, condition. I now leave the conditioner in for the full duration of my shower, under a shower cap, and rinse it out at the end. This seems to work better than rinsing after just a few minutes, as I used to.

Today was the usual CWC with Suave Green Apple conditioner and Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal S&C. My current leave-in is Pantene Restoratives Breakage Defense Detangling Leave-In Crème.

Yes, I'm still devoted to Pantene and that isn't about to change. 
    My sister tried to get on my case about it last night too. About how her hair lady says that Pantene is "the worst shapoo ever," how drying it is, etc. So with a sly grin, I pulled my braid over my left shoulder and said, "Oh really? I beg to differ."
    Immediately after that, my mother began praising Pantene, saying that she had tried other brands, but none of the conditioners even compared. My little sister fell silent. 
   
See, I've been using Pantene for almost 8 years now. And not only have I not had one single split end since I started, but I also just happen to have the healthiest hair of anyone that I know. I'm all about using what works for your own hair and that may or may not be what works for someone else. I don't tell other people what to use on theirs, so I don't appreciate when other people rag on my choices. To each their own!
   
And don't get me wrong, I adore my little sis. She is unconditionally the light of my life...but her occasional "holier than thou" speeches are a trifle annoying and this wasn't the first time that she had ripped Pantene.
    Normally, I just keep my mouth shut. But sometimes...sometimes...

Anyway, I couldn't wait to get my hair into a braid today. The weather has been so dry with the Santa Ana winds of late that my hair turns into a big staticky mess when dry. This morning, I got the humidifier working in my chamber so I can at least have some relief when I go in there. It will be nice to have it running through the night so I don't wake up with crazy static hair in the morning. 
    And while I'm at it, I may as well get my stereo hooked up. It won't help with the static but it would be nice to have music floating through my chamber when I want it. There are benefits to leaving music on while sleeping...including masking the sound of my humidifier. 

Haven't seen K in awhile as work has been eating up all of his time.    For that and other reasons, I find myself questioning if this is really going to work out.
    The age-old question comes to mind: Would I be happy where I am if things stayed as they are and never changed? My answer is no, but I don't feel too bad about that, I suppose, because nothing really stays the same forever. Things do change. It's whether or not they change for the better...

Anyway, better stop waxing philosophical and close down the office.
Until next time, mes amis.

Waiting4longlocks: I love Ice Shine! Next to Restoratives, they are my favourite S&C!

Ugh, morning shift.  

Hair got another CWC + leave-in crème routine today and is just about dry now. Static was a problem again this morning as I could not leave my humidifier on overnight. It dampens every surface in my room when it is left on for long periods of time with the door and window closed.
   Funny story about that...I left the thing on while I was at work yesterday and when I came home and opened my chamber door...    wow. My room was as foggy as a goth club and very humid! The mirrors were coated with white residue. I swear, it was like London at midnight! lol I wonder if it would be different if I used only bottled water instead of tap.
   So anyway, static. Fortunately, our weather is supposed to change this evening with a "big" storm rolling in from the coast. We're supposed to get 2 - 4 inches over the next 3 days. heh We'll see. Rain is one of my favourite things on earth and I hate to be cynical about it, but our meteorologists usually overestimate. I hope that it will be as good as they claim, but I'm a bit skeptical.

Another thing I'm skeptical about? K.
   He's a great guy and all, but lately I find myself wondering if he's really the right guy for me. Granted, we've only been dating about 3 months, so I suppose that I will give it another 3 before I decide anything. Right now, I just don't know though...and that's not a good sign.  
   Then again, I would rather be uncertain about someone and end up pleasantly surprised than to be instantly sold on someone only to have him break my heart later on. Been in the latter situation at least a few times.
   Anyway, as usual, I'm having my doubts but rolling with it. It would be nice if K could be the one to break this unfortunate cycle.

So what's new in the fashion world of Angel Spun? Nothing, really, and it's kind of bumming me out. No lavish, designer Victorian-goth frills striking my fancy (or arriving on my doorstep) of late.    Although I do like some of the Demonia USA shoe designs - too cute! But their Goth collection is too hokey for words.    All 10" platform patent vinyl KISS boots with spikes and buckles all over... lol Which is fine...unless you are over the age of 15.  
   I have made the effort to wear earrings every day this year as planned. Granted, we're only 3 days into the year, but it's a good start...right?

No news on the music front either, sadly. One of my New Year's resolutions was to start banging away on my bass, but right now, I don't even know where it is!      I can't use that as an excuse forever though. Maybe I'll search the sheds for it this afternoon. No doubt my father is behind its disappearance.

Alright, that's it for now. My break is coming up soon and it will be time to braid. Adios!

Well, last night was mediocre. My parents wanted to take me to dinner, so the plans that my sister & I had made were dashed.    We went to the local Claim Jumper (how original  ) where my beau was working that night. As soon as we were seated, he walked over to our table, put a shot down in front of me and told my parents to make sure that I drank it as he was walking away. My first reaction was, WHAT?! He knows that I don't drink! Why the #&$% would he do that?! Perhaps we should see other people! I was p!$$ed off and offended by his blatant disregard and lack of respect for my lifestyle. That ruined the whole night for me.
   My family encouraged me to drink it - mother even went so far as to say that I was being rude for not doing so! ME?! And his disregard wasn't?! WTF, mate?!?!
   Needless to say, I passed the shot to my sister, who didn't want it either, but drank it for me anyway. And I ordered a simple iced tea with dinner just so K wouldn't have to make it. I didn't trust him.  
   He came over later and ribbed me for not drinking the shot (someone had told him)...omg, I was sooo not happy with him! But that's the trouble with dating a bartender who happens to have a rather twisted sense of humor. Only this morning did I realize that he had known the entire time that I wouldn't drink the shot. And he probably expected that I wouldn't. That was just his twisted way of saying hello. *sigh* Oy...

Anyway, dinner was simple. I had just a simple chicken cæsar salad and an iced tea. Presents from my parents were a new pair of diamond earrings    and new sweats! The latter I have needed for years. And as for the former, well...I promised my father that I would not lend these diamonds to anyone. Especially not careless, drug-addicted boyfriends with ear infections (which is how I lost the last pair of diamonds that my dad gave me).    Ahem.

By the time we returned home, it was too late for my sis & I to go out, so we're going tonight. As for K, he BETTER have been just joking with that shot. Otherwise, he can go back to dating the usual trash.

SO...hair. The usual CWC routine today. Nothin' fancy.
The usual CWC routine these days is CWC, leave-in crème, air dry, braid.

I'm still gathering individual hairs that fall out naturally to make a lock for K. It will take a long time, but I'm beginning to see progress already. God willing, he will still be around when it's ready for him.

MTB: Thanx!    And honey, you're lucky if all you get is a lecture. I have had every member of my family shut the water off on me while I was in the middle of a shower just to get their point across!    Most of the time, it was my mother, who is an extreme control freak, but she has instructed all other members of the family to do this. The real kicker was that I was even paying the water bill at the time!
   Mother insisted that it wasn't about money, but about "principle." But if you ask me, someone with these types of control issues has no room to talk about principles.

Hair: The usual CWC routine again today, since I had the morning shift at work. Ugh.    Nothing else to report, really. It's just kind of doin' its thang. Still not terribly jazzed with Time Renewal shampoo.

Other Stuff: Finally went to the beach last night with my sister & her friend to the piercing shop.    My sister got a tiny little CZ stud in her tragus, I finally got my 2nd and 3rd earlobe piercings done. All 4 at the same time - my sis was so proud of me.    She said that she would have gotten the 2nd holes done and then come back later for the 3rd set. But I'm hardcore. lol I wanted all of them to be done and healed at the same time. The whole experience was a total rush.  
   Oh, and of course, all piercings were performed in a sterile environment, with sterile equipment, by a professional. And you know what? The 4 hollow needle piercings that I got at once hurt WAY less than any single piercing that I have ever gotten with a gun. I'll never go back!
   I'm sporting little silver hoops with balls in the center in all 4 at the moment. In 2 months, the new holes will be healed enough that I can take the hoops out and replace them with something else. I can't wait to go jewelry shopping!

Afterwards, I went home and my sis & her friend went out drinking. Actually, they'd both been drinking since before we left for the piercing shop    ...and her friend drove!      And she drives like a nut, so I was very thankful to be back home. The girls play a dangerous game, but they will be alright.
   As for me, it was very difficult to sleep with sore ears and anxiety    (the latter of which was K's fault  ).  I've had to be quite careful while caring for my hair, getting dressed and using the phone.

Anyway, I reckon that's all for now. Later.

Trisha: hehehe    She actually said that it wasn't too bad.

Hair: Last night, I heated up a tube of V05 hot oil, applied it to the length of my hair, placed a sleeping cap over it and left it on overnight. The instructions say to apply the hot oil to wet hair, but the heck if I'm getting my hair wet before bed! Forget it!
    My hair was still damp and starchy from the treatment this morning. I don't think that I will do any more overnight treatments for the next 2 months because my slumber cap gets in the way of my new piercings. I want them to heal completely without too much outside interference.
    Anyway, washed once with Restoratives Time Renewal shampoo and squeezed the water out of my hair with a microfiber towel before leaving the Time Renewal Replenishing Mask in under a shower cap for an hour. After rinsing it out, I chased with Restoratives Breakage Defense conditioner. Voilà.
    My sister then possessed herself of the bathroom (she's not feeling well), so I wasn't able to use any leave-in's. But it's alright - I brought my bottle of EVOO to work and will oil my hair dry before I braid it during my break.

Love: *sigh* Hate to say this, guys, but I think I may have hit the wall with K. I'm not going to hash out all of the details publically, but something has come to my attention that I don't see any good way out of or around. It has been stressing me out for days. 
    Actually, a lot of things about K have stressed me out, whether or not I've mentioned them. Dating him has certainly not been all roses. And almost every time I have concerns, he either shies away from discussing them or is too busy to discuss them. I don't need to tell anyone here that this is not a healthy pattern.
    It actually reminds me of a dream that I had not too long ago in which I had become pregnant - out of wedlock - with his child. My family and even my boss were all around - they were all quite sympathetic to my predicament even if oblivious to my inner turmoil. I remember feeling very sad, stressed and confused. But where was K during all of this? Nowhere to be found. Even with the sympathy of my immediate family and my boss, I felt as though I was facing everything alone. I remember talking to the doctor who was going to perform the abortion just before I woke up. It was probably the most depressing dream I've ever had. 
    What does this have to do with anything? Well, perhaps nothing. But it also might be my subconscious' way of telling me that it has its doubts about whether K would be there for me in a pinch. And maybe that I cannot count on him in serious situations. Something worth thinking about.

Money: Well, today is payday. Finally! I finally get to bring a positive balance to my bank account. I also signed up to receive online statements only, instead of having paper statements mailed to me. This way, my financial info stays private and my parents will not be able to pry like they have been. Even if they open all of my other mail, they will never know just how much $$$ I have or don't have at any given time. And that is exactly how it should be. My business is my own.

Other: Yesterday, I went jewelry shopping a little early and ended up getting a pair of sterling silver hoops with silver balls at the center. I wanted something that would coordinate with the hoops that have to stay in my 2nd and 3rd holes for the next 2 months.

Alright, it's almost time for my break, but I might write a little more when I return.

Alright, it's happened. I broke things off with K. 
It sucks because I was really hoping that we would work out. But we just didn't see eye to eye on some really important issues. I loved K and I already miss his company, but I was not hopelessly in love with him the way that you should be when you decide to spend your life with someone. So it's a good move, really...because now I can move on and hopefully find someone with whom I am more compatible. *sigh*

It's a rather disheartening process eliminating him from my life. Taking him out of my phone and off of my Buddy List, etc. He told me not to give back the things that he gave me, and I just don't have the heart to toss all of it out yet. But I probably will soon.
    Actually, I've been revamping a lot of things lately. My beauty & financial binders have both been cleaned out and updated. My toenails are now sporting a shiny, new coat of black polish (the chipped eggplant shade of last fall had to go!). My annoying old purse has been replaced with a new (smaller and less annoying) one. My AIM Buddy List has been cleared of people that I don't speak to regularly. Just lots of little things like that. Angel's takin' out the trash. 

So that's what's been going on with me. I'm bummed about the K thing, but I'm regrouping and looking forward to meeting someone new. And whoever he is, I hope that he has lips like Thom Yorke - woooo!   

Anyway, in hair news, I didn't get a shower until after noon, so I had to do a W-CWC. My hair feels ridiculously smooth when wet. I wish it felt the same way dry!
    I applied the Restoratives leave-in crème to the length, but didn't braid. My hair was still damp & stringy when I left the house to run errands and go shopping this afternoon. The air is dry and staticky once again, so my hair was pretty wild when it dried.    Gotta love SoCal.
    So it appears that I have only 19 days to go before my hair reaches BSL. God willing! It sure has taken long enough!

Ok, my mind is going blank and all I can think about is K being the newest member of Losers Anonymous: The Angel Dumped Me Club. lol Sorry...I think I'll go and watch AFV on TV and just try not to think about him. I'll write more tomorrow. Hope everybody had a good weekend.

Hair: Just a simple CWC today. No leave-in's just yet. My sis again took over the bathroom before I could get to my leave-in crème and my hair ended up drying without it.    I hate sharing a bathroom.  
   So now my hair is completely dry, and I mean completely! Thanx to our Santa Ana weather (it's 80° in freaking January!!! ), it's full of static and flying all over the place. I hate SoCal.  

When it's time for my break at 3:00, I'll dry oil with EVOO and braid just like yesterday.
Today, however, my mother saw the bottle of EVOO that I brought in and asked what it was for. When I told her that I used it on my hair, she freaked and went off on a 10-minute tyraid, calling me "anal retentive" and a "basket case" or some such rot. And professed that if my goal was to grow my hair to my behind, that oil certainly wasn't going to make it look better. Etc., etc., etc.!!! My only retaliation was some sarcastic, off-hand comment about how just because I didn't dye, fry and process, that I was the freak.    I hate parents that freak out about everything!  
   The sad thing is that this woman was once my hair idol. Or, well, I suppose she still is, but not...erm, currently. See, back in the late '60's and early '70's, when my mother was younger, her hair was waist length. The ends literally reached the belt loops of her bell bottom jeans.    From the first instance that my sister and I saw pictures of our mother from back then, we both decided to grow our hair long and deemed her as our hair idol.
   *sigh* I hate being let down by my idols.  

Other: Made the effort to actually wear makeup today. Probably wasn't the wisest decision with my skin broken out as it is, but I didn't really have a choice. The new guy that my sister is seeing is coming over tonight to meet the family, so I wanted to at least attempt to look put together.  
   At first, I was going for a sort of 1920's silent film star thing...pallid complexion, subtle gray eyeshadow, long, black lashes, dark lipstick...and I wanted to put my hair up. But after about 20 minutes or so on my lips alone (applying, messing up, attempting to fix, messing up, reapplying, messing up...), I ran out of time. My hair was still down and staticky and not even combed when I left for work. I hate running out of time.  
   By the time I'd gotten to work, my lips looked and felt utterly dreadful, so I stopped into the ladies' room, wiped my mouth clean and started over. Balm, concealer, liner, lipstick - ugh! Swipe, swipe, dab, dab, fix, fix... then finally went to my office. After about half an hour (and the aforementioned lecture from my mother), I whipped out my compact to check my lips and sure enough, they were smudged.    
   It's almost funny...every time I wear lipstick, I swear that it's the last time. I hate the stuff! So I gave up yet again, got up from my desk, went back into the ladies' room and wiped clean again. I'm just not the lipstick type.  

Oh, but that wasn't the only fiasco. I tried out a new mascara today - L'Oréal Telescopic or whatever in carbon black. Ugh! Dreadful. Putting it on is an absolute joke. I'll stick to Maybelline Great Lash, thanx!    I hate wasting money on mascaras that suck.  
   Thankfully, the rest of my makeup seems to be surviving. My new L'Oréal foundation is ok. Quite pale, although I'm not sure if it's even pale enough. I might just need to give in and buy a pure white foundation to mix with commercial foundations.

Other Things I Hate: When foundation settles into natural laugh lines around my nose and mouth and make me appear to have wrinkles, having tea & black licorice that outlasted the guy who gave them to me, smokers, drunk drivers, drug users, caffeine, casual sex, rude people, mascaras that irritate my eyes, being overdrawn, forgetting to bring food to work with me, mushrooms, onions, red lights that take forever when I'm in a hurry, Santa Anas, having acne, the fact that I can't find reasonably priced eyeshadows in the perfect shades of slate gray and plum, getting ripped off, porn, MEN!!!, hypoglycemic attacks and being broke.    Oh, there's more. I'm just not going to write about it right now. I'm having one of those "I hate everything" days.  

Something Else: Went for my break at 3:00 and realized that I did not bring a hairtie from home and thus, could not braid.    So I attempted to comb my hair out as best as I possibly could. The problem is that static causes my hair to tangle hopelessly.
    I ended up just working a little EVOO and water through the length, then combing it with both my seamless comb and fingers. My hair is now an oily, tangled mess and will stay that way until I go home. 

One more thing I hate: Today!! 

Lisabelle: *hugs* Yup, gloss is what I normally use. And I do own a lip stain, but it's a roll-on, so it's difficult to apply accurately. Totally hear you on the eyeshadow thing too. In most cases, you really do get what you pay for.
   As for clown white, yeeeaaagh!!    Real goths don't use it.    It's heavy, loaded with oil and gives horrifically uneven coverage. Egad, I hope you are not still using it! It's death for skin!  
   Actually, I plan to order a pure white foundation toner from Amphigory (from whom I also purchased my white loose powder) and just add it to my regular foundation.

Trisha: *hugs* I wish you were my mom! My only objection is that my former husband lives in Missouri.  
   And yeah, obviously, lipstick doesn't last too long on me either. hehe I'm a gloss gal, but every so often, I've decided to give lipstick another shot. Always with the same result. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing the same way over and over and expecting different results each time?  

Hair: Went into the usual double bun updo last night to meet my sister's new guy. After he left, I took it down and...whoa.    In addition to the oil and static, it now had volume and a slight curl, which turned an awful mess into a gigantic awful mess! lol It looked like Madame Leota meets '80's rock. Even funnier was that my sister said it looked good that way.  
   Anyhow, this morning, I got to wash all of the hairspray, oil and static out with a WCC. Used the Restoratives leave-in crème and air dried as usual. Hair is blissfully recovered.    I even brought 2 hairties to work today - 1 to use during my break and 1 for the drawer in my desk in case I forget some other time.

Current products I'm using for CWC and WCC routines:

• Suave Juicy Green Apple conditioner
• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal shampoo
• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal conditioner

Current leave-in:

• Pantene Restoratives Breakage Defense Detangling Leave-In Crème

In Other News: Mother & I got invited by a co-worker to watch his band perform on Feb. 16th at the beach. He said that he could get us tickets if we wanted to go, and I totally will. He's kinda cute (tee hee  ) and his band is pretty darn good.

Went to bed with makeup on last night    so this morning, I washed, exfoliated and left a clay masque on for half an hour. After rinsing it off, I followed with an astringent and...ahhhhh! Much better!  
   Also did a load of laundry, soaked my new piercings in a saline solution, had breakfast and cleaned out and refilled my humidifier...all before having to leave for work.  
   Every day, I've been doing some kind of cleansing/renewing ritual, be it clarifying, exfoliating, shaving, using masques, whatever. Slowly filtering K out of my system. I want to be completely revived before I start seeing anyone else.
   In days to come, I will visit places around town that we had gone to together. Both for my own benefit (just getting reaqcuainted with said places) and so that if I ever go to any of them with someone new, I won't ever have to think, gee...the last time I was here, I was with K.    New memories shouldn't be tainted with the old.

Anyway, back to work.

Hair: The usual WTC for Fridays. Current products used for the process are:

• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal shampoo
• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal Replenishing Mask
• Pantene Restoratives Breakage Defense Conditioner

I wash all of my hair once and squeeze the water out with a microfiber towel. Then, I work the treatment into the length of my hair and twist it into a loose bun, covering with a shower cap, and leave it that way for an hour. After rinsing, I condition as usual.

Restoratives Breakage Defense Detangling Leave-In Crème was worked through the length also and I've left it to air dry. Instead of braiding, I'm going to leave my hair down today so it can be straight for a S&D tonight.

Other: Change is imminent. I sense it.
   After looking over my W-2, the disappointing reminder that I desperately need a new job, I realize that finding one will probably happen for me later this year.
   And I find myself looking forward to February. A new month will bring a new hair measurement, a new avatar, a new exercise regimen and goodness knows what else.
   Also, I can't help but wonder if this will be the year that I finally become completely straight edge. Since K was the only thing keeping it from me this year, I secretly wondered, if we were ever to part ways, whether I would convert. Now that we have gone our separate ways, I still don't know whether I'm ready to completely commit to the X. heh Maybe one day, I'll wake up and realize that I already have. Whatever.

So, that's about it for now. Need to wash my car, change my buddy icon, pick up my bass again, find a job and figure out my life.  

Kiraela: Fruit bats, yup. That's how I've referred to myself for years. *hugs* And I'm not sure why I still bother to tell the 'rents anything. They've never believed a single word I've said. 

Lisabelle: You could be right. And egad @ the Halloween disaster. Some people have anger management issues even after they die.

Hair: Clarifying day! Two have passed since I broke things off with K. I think it's safe to say that I've "washed that man right outta my hair."    Yeah, I'm old.
    Hair is doing pretty well though. It's either at BSL or dangerously close. And yesterday, I did find time for a S&D.

Other Stuff: It's raining today!   
    My car didn't get waxed before the storm hit, but it doesn't matter anymore. I'll just wax the bejeezes out of it after the next wash. I did get one quadrant of the interior clean, however. Needed it badly! There was coffee all over the place. Guess that's what happens when 2 goths date...and neglect to clean their cars. 
    I also put my floormats through the wash, and I'm pretty sure that they're cleaner now than when they were brand new. Still have the other ¾ of the interior to clean...and the trunk...and the seats to disinfect. But it's coming along nicely.

Also, I'm apparently getting a new desk for my chamber. Dad said he ordered one that matches the rest of my furniture. Hope it has room for all of my stuff...

Trisha: For me, it just means not sampling alcoholic beverages anymore. Giving up on the random sips here and there to taste something. Now that I'm no longer dating a bartender, that should be easy enough. In all other ways, I am straight edge and always have been.

Hair: The usual CWC routine, which now entails:

• Suave Tropical Coconut conditioner
• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal shampoo
• Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal conditioner

When I got my break at 3:00, I combed out my hair and first tried to part it down the middle and pin it up on the sides. But the barrettes that I brought were crap and one wasn't holding very well. So I took them out, tossed the one and combed my hair out again. I wanted my natural side part to just do its thing, but for some reason, it wasn't cooperating either. I tried to create one, but it didn't look right. So hair is down and partless. Blah. Whatever. 

Other: Got a few texts from K last night with the usual "I miss you" bullcrap. Now, I don't mean to sound heartless, but maybe he should have thought about that before giving me so many reasons not to see him anymore. I told him that I missed him as well, but stood by my decision that things are better this way.
    Oh, I've thought about going back to him more than I'd like to admit, but I know that would be a mistake. Nothing would change. He can't take back what's already been done, he isn't likely to change his ways and he most certainly cannot change mine. Bottom line is he's not what I want and I'm not what he wants. Case closed.
    Don't think that giving him up is easy though. 

In other news, I managed to put myself together today. Rockin' cool gray eyeshadow and my favorite mascara ever: Maybelline Great Lash in Blackest Black.    Plus plum lip stain (which I think I can actually do without) with matching liquid lipgloss over. And my nails are now a shiny patent leather black (matching my toes).    Surprisingly, though, the look isn't terribly gothic. Need to fix that...
    Still not happy with the foundation sitch, I hate to say.    This morning, I experimented with applying it only to the ruddy areas of my skin (which kind of worked) with a makeup brush (which totally didn't). Were I not Celtic and my skin tone was perfectly even, I wouldn't even bother with foundation. Hate it!    I'd just dot on concealer, sweep on deathly pale powder and be done with it. But alas...not that I'm complaining about being Celtic. 

Been contemplating hair color again.    Every time I'm near the haircare aisles in a store, I always check out the semi- and demi-permanent auburns that appeal to me and just think.    Auburn is a heck of a lot more gothic than my natural light brown...
    I'd love to go all out burgundy, but that would require a heck of a lot of maintenance! Plus, it's a strong color and I probably don't have the personality to pull it off. Also, it would look obviously artificial, and that's one thing that distinguishes the true goths from the trashy poseurs. The idea is to look like a beautiful, natural goth - not like an attention [glut] going out for Halloween. 
    In any case, regular coloring is not something that I can commit to right now anyway, so it probably won't happen. Maybe I'll worry about it in 20 years or so when I start going gray.

Well, about 15 minutes left at work. Time to start closing down.

Curlgirl: You're on, girlfriend.    If I decide to go the mineral route, you'll be the first person whom I consult.

Trish: Uh huh. 

Hair: The usual CWC routine today. I'll comb & braid during my break - need to have my hair secured if I'm going to work on my car later.
    Last night, I confirmed that my hair is now indeed BSL. I'm still going to leave the ticker up, though, because I'm not sure whether my hair has reached its final measurement for the beginning of February. It could grow a bit more in 8 days...    Stranger things have happened.

Other: Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary, had I stayed married. Not a healthy way to think, I guess. I wish that I just didn't even notice when a would-be anniversary comes around each year. But I always do. 
    It's not that I miss it or long for my former husband or grow wistful at the memory of our relationship. Sentimental hogwash! I'm not that kind of person, and I was over it long before it was officially "over."
    But every year, it still registers: "hey, this would have been my anniversary." No sentiment attached, no remorse. Just the cold, hard, bloody fact. To use a truly geeky expression, it is what it is. 

In other news, rain is the awesomest thing in the world (yes, I'm aware that "awesomest" isn't really a word). I rank its beauty right up there with the rose, the human eye, the ocean, the full moon and the sky on a really clear winter's night.
    It's strange weather we're having, with vast, simultaneous patches of rain and sun. But the combination of them both hitting my windshield at the same time had a brilliant effect as I drove to work this morning. The sunlight illuminated the drops as they landed on the glass, sprinkling my entire windshield with little stars. So beautiful were they that I almost didn't have the heart to wipe them away - curse the necessity of being able to see while driving! lol

Alright, it's almost time for my morning break. Yes, morning. I hate this shift. 

hehe Thanx, Curlgirl.    Although, I'm going to go right on letting it think that it's not quite there yet.

A short entry today, because I really don't feel like writing.  

Hair had the usual WTC routine for Fridays. All Time Renewal products. The usual leave-in crème, air dry, braid. Still 1 week before I'm "officially" BSL. But yeah, I'm there. Probably have been for awhile.

Realized this morning that I'd been soaking my new piercings incorrectly.    The glass that I'd been using was 12 oz. instead of 8. D'oh! So I will begin using our little 8 oz. juice glasses today.

Yesterday, I was able to clean and disinfect another quadrant of my car's interior. Now the front half is done.    This weekend, I'll address the backseat and maybe wash & wax the outside.

K sent me a few messages this morning, as well as a song that ripped my freaking heart out: The Promise by When In Rome. I've been a mess all day.
   So this is where the real pain starts. It took this long for the wound to finally bleed. The good news is that this is the worst part. It might last awhile, but after it passes, things will get better.

As much as all of it sucks, K cannot change the past and isn't going to change the present. I'm not going to say that it's impossible - nothing is impossible. But it's very unlikely, and my best move is onward.

'Til next time.

Did I throw away the best part of my life
When I cut you off, did I cut myself with the same damn knife
Hide my tears in the pouring rain
Had my share of hurt and pain
Don't say my name
Run away
'Cause it's all in vain
            -Bon Jovi, Hearts Breaking Even

Shaken. Again. K has been texting me this morning. Empty stomach + anxiety = almost tossing my cookies at work.  

I did tell him that it would be best if we didn't talk anymore. Only time will tell if he listens, but I know I cannot continue allowing him to shoot me down when I only want to stand up. Not that he's deliberately trying.

Hair had a WCC routine today. It's soft and the air has dried it already. I'll leave it down until I get home. After that, it goes into a braid so I can finish cleaning/disinfecting my car's interior.

Tonight, I might go to the mountains. I want to revisit the places where I went with K. Not in the interest of sentiment, but of healing. And the mountains sometimes help when I'm feeling down anyway.

May grace return my enthusiasm tomorrow.

Quote:

lol I kinda did.    I love the way you put things, Lisabelle. 

Hair: Washed once (and for the last time) with Time Renewal shampoo, then left a blended conditioning treatment in for an hour. Emptied my bottle of aloe vera gel in the process, and my EVOO is almost gone. After rinsing the treatment out, I finished with Time Renewal conditioner. Leave-in crème and air dry as usual, but I'm not braiding today - it's measure day.    No kinks allowed. I'll measure when I get home from work, but today I am officially BSL. My 2nd hair goal is reached. 

Other Stuff: My trip to the mountains was quite helpful, as it turns out. I drove a bit, cried a bit, sang a bit, and mostly walked around in the cold air. Cleared my head up nicely. As I walked through the outlet center, retracing the steps that K and I had taken together just a month before, I noticed that the area itself seemed to mirror and incarnate what I was feeling.
    The stores had replaced their luxe, festive holiday merch with the new arrivals of spring. Both the ice rink and giant Christmas tree in the courtyard had been ripped out, leaving naught but empty space and gaping holes in the ground. The specialness of the holidays is gone - now it's back to real life. The exact same things can be said for my now bygone holiday romance with K. Back to life. Turn the page.

There's a new desk in my room now where my mother's old hope chest used to be. I had to rearrange practically everything to accomodate it, but gives permanent residence to my laptop and makeup box.

My nails are also a very dark shade of purple called Who Are You Wearing? Another OPI concoction that looks great in the bottle, but not on. You can't even tell that it's a metallic. Blah. I am not a fan. 

One of my mail orders has supposedly been delivered. I say supposedly because it claims to have been delivered before I left for work and...there was nothing there.    My emotions about this are mixed. If it has been delivered, then I'm happy that it's here, but also worried because my parents have been opening my mail again, and I can only imagine the grilling I'd get if they saw what I'd bought. *sigh* God, I wish I lived alone.

Anyway, new month, new measurement, new length, new avatar, new ticker, new sig, new stuff, new Angel. 

Hair: Clarifying day. Washed once with Purity shampoo, white vinegar rinse, washed again with Purity shampoo, conditioned with Breakage Defense conditioner. Done.

Health: Nocturnal power walks are going well. I'm going faster now than ever before. Lost 1 lb. the first week, so now I'm down to 115.2. That tiny little rock & roll figure of mine is beginning to peek through again.
    Lately, I'm all about antioxidants. On Saturday, I began drinking green tea (decaf, mint-infused) and taking vitamin E every day, and will continue for a month or so.

Work: Between solemn and devastating today. Budget constraints forced 2 departments to merge and cost 6 people their jobs. One of which was my favorite co-worker. I feel like I've been socked in the gut.

Life: K sent me an e-card over the weekend to say that he missed me. It never fails...every time he messages me, I'm determined not to let it ruin my day. But it always does. Fed up, I sent him a not-so-nice reply. 
    And whom should I find in a chat room last night but the distant former love interest before K? We actually talked casually in the company of a mutual friend. It was predictably awkward, but for the first time, I was able to bring up obscure bands that he had never heard of. Bands that K had introduced me to. So I suppose it was all worth something in the end.

Healing: Only 27 days until my piercings are healed enough that I can change jewelry and stop doing the torturous saline soaks.
    Still in "detox mode" where getting over K is concerned. This will probably take awhile. 

Hair: Washed the entire length with Breakage Defense shampoo. Conditioned from the ears down with Breakage Defense conditioner. But for some reason, I forgot to do a 2nd conditioning. I thought that perhaps I could make up for it by using a little EVOO in addition to my usual leave-in, but I was short on time this morning. 
    It's dry as usual and a bit gunky from the leave-in, but I have it braided, so I'm going to just forget about it until bedtime.

Devil In Disguise? My boss confronted me a little while ago about a really embarrassing e-mail that I'd composed (just for gits & shiggles) and promptly deleted. Trouble is I didn't delete it from the Deleted Items folder as well. Oops.  So I guess my mother must have discovered it and showed our boss. Boy, did I have an interesting time BS-ing my way out of that one! 

With my account overdrawn and a check for the water bill on its way, it came down to begging, borrowing and stealing to make ends meet. Begging never got me anywhere, so that only left the latter 2. I raided the coin jar in the office and asked to borrow $50 from my dad. Of course, I'll reimburse him...but probably not the coin jar. 
    Yeah, I can be evil when pushed to the brink.  

Other: Did a video workout last night with my mother & sister, so my, er, hindquarters are killing me today. I'm still power walking tonight though.

My father invited me to take a tiling class with him on Saturday so he & I can install the new tile floor in my bathroom.    He also wants me to take bass and guitar lessons from a musician buddy of his once a week. After about 6 months, he says, he wants me to start playing in his band!!!

Anyway, to spare me the nervous breakdown, it's tea time. Cheers!

Oh my.

So it turns out that K did see the De/Vision show in LA. He wanted to take me along, but he also knew that I would refuse if he asked. My sister told me all of this, naturally, since she works with him.
   What a boob.    But at least he's starting to figure things out...I guess.  

Oh, but I have something to best him. The fire tech that I seem to have a little bit of a thing for came to my office when I got to work today and gave me 2 tickets to his band's show on Saturday night. Ever since then, I've been feeling like  

Hair is messy but ok. I did a WTC this morning + the usual leave-in.
My parents got V-day presents for my sister & I, among which were beaded hair clips (which my sis calls "cleepees" lol) so I'm going to try and put them in today when I get my break. Just to see how they look. The rest of me looks like crap.  

That's interesting. Why is it that guys only show up when we ladies are looking our absolute worst? Par exemple, I've been off of my meds for almost a month, so my skin is absolutely horrendous. I haven't detangled my hair at all yet, so as I' mentioned, it's a mess. No makeup, no jewelry...even my saline soaks have been falling by the wayside (oops  ) and I'm wearing one of the most juvenile shirts that I own - my Nightmare Before Christmas hoodie. And today the cutie in Fire swings by my office.    Totally figures.
   Of course I'm not blaming him. I totally should have seen it coming. But I do wish that I could have had my act together even a little bit more!    You can't win 'em all. It was a  busy morning.
   Guess I'll just really have to step up my game tomorrow night. At the beach. When I see Silver Side. For free.

Oh my.

Um, yeah! Can we say Patrick Stewart?! I had a mad crush on him in Star Trek TNG. lol

Although, it's not hair (or lack thereof) that attracts me to drummer boy. It's his personality, his talent, his looovely sky blue eyes...and pretty much everything else. 

Haven't seen him yet today, but then, I've only been at work for an hour now.

Hair is doing well today. Not even frizzy despite the rain. Yeah!! It's been raining since dawn. Thank God for small favors.
    The corn oil from yesterday washed out with a simple CWC, and my hair felt remarkably soft afterwards! I'm still in desperate need of a trim, but I'll settle for the usual braid.

Just 18 days until my ears are healed enough to change out these earrings. The saline soaks that I do twice a day are now down to 5 minutes each. 10 was just too time consuming and always put 2 dreadful kinks in my neck.    I'm more likely to keep up with them now.
    For months, I've had my eye on sets of silver ball earrings in different sizes, so I'm hoping that my next paycheck will allow me to buy them. It will be nice to switch to studs after dealing with these hoops for so long. And it will be nice to be able to clean my ears & jewelry normally, without having to do the blasted saline soaks. Sooo looking forward to that! You have no idea.

Nails are shot. Polish is intact on some nails, completely missing from others and chipped on the ends of most.    Yesterday after work, I tried to find the Sally Hanson Teflon Tuff polish that Maggie once mentioned in her journal, but had no such luck. 

Well, I'm off to answer phones, sip (decaf) mint green tea, open the blinds and enjoy this gorgeous gray weather. Cheers!

Guess who came into my office today...3 times?!?!?!?!    
Yup, looks like Angel's going to another beach bar tonight to see her beauuutiful co-worker.    And yes, he invited me. *giggle, shiver, spaz* STOKE!

Immediately after work, I have to run to the bank, then pick up my father from his work, then brave an hour's worth of rush hour traffic in the rain.    If I can wash up, get ready and get to the bar in time to see him, it will be a small miracle (but ohhh so worth it!  ). Wish me luck!

In hair news, the usual WTC for Friday, only this time I held my hair up with my pterodactyl beak clip instead of a shower cap. And the usual leave-in & air dry. Hair is just down today. I forgot to bring a hairtie to work (again!) so I wasn't able to braid, but that ended up being a blessing in disguise. I want to wear my hair down for the show tonight & wouldn't have wanted it to be all kinked & wavy.
   I wish I had time to fix it a bit. There's a red carpet style that I'd like to try out. But it will have to wait for some other night.

So, what else is there to say? Oh yeah, it's payday. Whatever.
Time to get my rock on.

Hair: Clarified yesterday and did a CWC-C today. Don't know why, but my hair just felt in need of an extra light conditioning in the shower. I'm paying for it now though. Suave conditioners make my hair gummy. The strands all stick together and tangle hopelessly. I wonder how on earth I used Suave all through high school. 
    Right now, hair is down, dry and combed. But of course, I forgot a hairtie today, so I won't be able to braid. 

Work: Woooooo! Gorgeous just left my office. hehe    Now I'm all giddy. I even had to cover my ears with my hair because I could totally feel myself blushing.
    I wish that I had more time in the mornings to put myself together for the offhand chances that he does walk into my office. I know I've said it before, but he's sooo beautiful. I wish that I was at least wearing makeup or something. 

Otherwise, I'm still sorting through leases, surfing the net and being impatient with the droves of idiots on the phone. 

Health: Weight is back up to 115. Bugger. I blame Aunt Flo and the mass amounts of Godiva that she demanded yesterday. I still haven't resumed my power walking routine either. It becomes less of a priority as my weight decreases, but I still want to do it. If worse comes to worse, I could just end up scheduling it around dates with the lovely drummer boy. Speaking of which...

Dating: Once again, it seems, I've reached that familiar point where I know that things are not going to work out as I'd like them to and yet I'm not ready to walk away from it all just yet. On the fence as ever.    Man, why can't this stuff ever just be simple?

Other: The weekend was a gas! I earned $50 for one night of housesitting.    My room was cleaned and partially rearranged: my dresser now has 5 electric candles on it and looks awesome, my laptop is again being stored in its case under my bed, my desk was moved into my sister's room and replaced by my mother's old hope chest. I'm hoping to get 2 more electric candles for it to mirror the ones on my dresser.
    Also, on Sunday night, drummer boy invited me to see the studio where his band rehearses...which just happens to be about 5 minutes from my house. It's a very small, heavily textured burgundy room, taken up mostly by the drum kit. Gear was piled up against every wall and cords covered the black floor.
    My co-worker showed me pictures on his computer, which he had recently set up in the studio and then let me hear 2 unreleased Silver Side songs. One of which has never been heard by anyone besides myself and the band.    Talk about an insider's pass!

So anyway, things are going pretty well, all things considered. Enjoying the good stuff, taking the less-than-perfect stuff in stride.

Oh yeah, and I'd also like to offer a big WELCOME BACK!!! to my Pantene sista, Maggie. 

'Til next time!

Morning shift today. 

Been blitzing on antioxidants lately. Taking 2 vitamin E capsules per day, finished off my green tea yesterday and got started on fruit tea, been using white tea bodywash as well as white tea & ginger body spray...I even have green tea toothpaste.

A few days ago, I drove to Predisio Park after work and walked around there until nightfall. I retraced the steps that K and I had made on our last date, stood in the giant pentagram that I hadn't seen since I'd gone there with my last real boyfriend, and explored a bit more on my own. It's a beautiful place, much bigger than I was aware of. And it was a bit easier to face while being on the phone with the new guy half of the time.

Now, I have only to visit Balboa Park and maybe downtown before I feel satisfied, and I need to familiarize myself with those areas anyway. K is becoming more of a distant memory, and his predecessors seem like a whole other lifetime ago. I think they call it closure.

In hair news, just the usual CWC routine this morning. No vinegar rinse. Again, I forgot a hairtie, so I won't be able to braid at least until I get home...if at all. The length smells pretty good though. I'm not sure if that's from the S&C's that I've been using or from it brushing against the body spray on the back of my shirt, but it's rather nice nonetheless.
    Still haven't scheduled a trim, but I have written myself a note to do so.

Today, I'm just kinda feeling ho-hum. Just sort of going through the motions of life even though the life has been temporarily sucked out of me. I say temporarily because no matter what happens, I know it will come back eventually. Life's all ups and downs...it can't rain all the time and it can't be roses all the time. That's kinda the beauty of it.
    But for now, I'm just in sort of a gray period. Light gray like fog or mist, but with less presence. Subtle and a bit dreary, but barely there somehow. It's hard to explain.

A friend of mine told me something last night that helps him stay more positive than he otherwise would be: out of something bad comes something good.
Hope he's right.

It's a bitch, yeah, life's a roller coaster ride
The ups and downs will make you scream sometimes
It's hard believing that the thrill is gone
But we gotta go around again, so let's hold on
                         -Bon Jovi, Lie To Me