I’ve been creating LongLocks designs for more than ten years now, in fact we just reached our ten year mark in September.  Doesn’t seem that long!  And while LongLocks’ success is beyond my wildest dreams, it could  have been much bigger from a professional standpoint if I ever had even the slightest desire to enter into the “business” of making hair jewelry rather than stay in the “art” of making hair jewelry… an idea that, frankly, makes my skin crawl.

Because the very basis of the LongLocks Philosophy is that my designs will always be made by my own hands and will always be one-of-a-kind, I would have had to abandon that mindset to accept any of the offers thrown at me over the years by such notable companies as Wella, VH1 and Fine Living (amongst several others).  I’ve always turned down such flattering offers because there is simply no way I could stand by my philosophy and at the same time deal with the business that kind of exposure would bring.  I’ve never regretted this decision once in my life, even when being slammed by other “artists” who feel “success” is measured by how many millions you make.  Truth is, I don’t do this to get rich… far from it.  I am infinitely happier being an artist than I ever would be as a businesswoman.  Besides, what would bother me most would be turning the LongLocks Philosophy into a lie to every person who has bought any of the almost 10,000 (can you believe it?) one-of-a-kind designs I’ve crafted with my own two little hands thus far, and that I could never live with.  On the other hand, I love the print exposure that occasionally comes my way, even though I have never actively sought it out.  It never gets me in so far over my head that I can’t find a way to  handle it, and it gives me something else to add to the “Nono, no autographs” wall in my studio.

Now all that being said, it IS fun to fantasize about what would happen if I ever did become a “hair fashion icon.”  The running  joke in the house is that I will die happy if I ever see a pair of my sticks adorning the hair of the likes of Penelope Cruz or Angelina Jolie on the Academy Awards red carpet, as long as they ABSOLUTELY DON’T tell Ryan Seacrest “who they are wearing,” the mere thought of which makes me feel all panic-y inside.

And then there’s the whole “Oprah Effect” thing.  Since time began my husband has thought that it’s just friggin’ hilarious to tease me about Oprah mentioning my designs, which of course doesn’t fly too well with me.  If what he suggests in his twisted little mind ever happened it would mean the end of LongLocks.  I didn’t write a bestseller some publishing house is going to run a million copies of, I gotta make these things one at a time and there’s just no way I could deal.  Then one day I was actually watching Oprah (something I only get to do maybe once a month, usually for ten minutes, which made this even more a shock to my system) and while she was NOT talking about me, the phrase “long locks” came out of her mouth.  I was instantly nauseous.  I love you Oprah.  Never mention my designs.  EVER.  OK?  OK.

I do have to admit that I get a kick out of my husband’s theory that in 50 years someone will walk onto Antiques Roadshow with a collection of my designs and the appraiser will say, “Do you KNOW what you have???”   I’ll be dead in 50 years, I won’t have to deal with the stress.

So what’s my point?  My point is that several months ago a fellow blogger turned me on to this incredibly kewl site where you can add your pic to different scenarios, and I spent an afternoon making a faux million-dollar LongLocks international advertising campaign.  You could say I got to live the fantasy without the nightmare.  It was incredibly fun and the results were amazing, even though I used the same tired old publicity photo I’ve always used.  I thought you might get a kick out of seeing the LongLocks Quest for World Domination ads, especially those of you who have been collecting my designs for years and know me well enough to be in on pretty much everything I’ve written above, and thus see the real humor in this whole thing.

And my own personal fav in an ironic, masochistic, twisted sorta way:

I find these both incredibly kewl and overwhelmingly disturbing.  What fantasies… and nightmares, are made of.

Wanna make your own?  You can do it at PhotoFunia but be forewarned that you will have to do a LOT of graphic editing of your own photo to get it to work smoothly.

Filed under: Style, Angst