Egads, Debr. Sorry to hear about your hair's bipolar behaviour. 

Tangles and breakage are unfortunately something I have to deal with all the time, as my hair is extremely fine. And strange as it sounds, when your hair is badly tangled, washing actually helps. Trying to comb out a dry rat's nest will only cause further damage.
    On the rare occasions when I have my hair professionally styled, salons always tease my hair to create volume, which also creates hopeless tangles that have to be washed - not combed - out. Condition well. Twice, if need be.

While your hair is still wet, spray a generous amount of leave-in conditioner/detangler on the length, then detangle - slowly - from the ends upward, working in small sections at a time. This will take awhile, so be patient.

If you find little knots that your comb gets stuck in, do not rip them out! Work them out with your fingers and then comb through. Allow your hair to air dry and then you should be able to comb/brush your hair comfortably. Pull it into a braid or some other contained style to avoid future tangles.

Of course, this is just what works for me...