Welcome Trinity!
I'm sorry to hear that you are frustrated with the condition of your hair.     Hopefully you can pick up a few things here that will help you out.

First, I would suggest that you read through the Ultimate Guide to Growing Long Hair (it is a link on the left hand side of the screen at this site).  There are lots of good suggestions there.

Second, be very careful about using a brush on your hair.  You should never brush your hair when it is wet or real damp.  Hair is very elastic when wet, which makes it vulnerable to breaking if stretched too far.  Brushing tends to stretch and break the hair if done while the hair is in that elastic stage.  A nice wide-toothed comb is better for wet hair.  (Making sure there are no ridges on the comb is important too).

Third, it sounds like you are using a lot of products that have silicone type ingredients (look for words ending in -cone).  Some types of hair do not tolerate the -cones well and will become dry and brittle.  Yes, the silicone smooths the cuticle of the hair which gives the appearance of healthy hair, but it can be preventing moisture from getting to the hair.  You might try a clarifying shampoo every now and then or a vinegar rinse between your shampoo and conditioner.  This would strip the product buildup off your hair and leave it healthier and more manageable.  Hopefully it would then allow you to blow dry less (or not at all).

Trimming split ends is a good idea.  This does not necessarily mean you have to shorten the length of your hair every time.  Using a very sharp scissors, you can trim (or dust) the splits.  Be sure to look for the splits on the shorter hair as well. 

I hope this helps a bit.

Glad to hear the vinegar rinse is working for you.   

The split ends should be trimmed.  I found that using a very sharp scissors - either a hair or embroidery scissors and trimming just the splits off will ultimately improve the condition of your hair.  If you just try to "cover" them, the split will usually get worse.  Plus the split ends are prone to tangling your hair, causing more problems.

When I "dust" my hair to trim the splits, I take small sections of hair and gently twist the hair.  The ends that stick out are checked, and trimmed if they are split.  This allows you to eliminate the splits without reducing the length of your hair.

Oily hair is sometimes caused by too much shampooing.  Shampoo strips the hair of its natural oils, so the scalp tries to replace the oils, making the hair oilier.  You can try to condition your head to fewer shampoos but trying to add a day between shampoos whenever possible. Gradually your head will produce less oil because there is less need for it with less frequent shampooing.

You might also try to use less conditioner on your hair, or even try to not condition the hair on the head at all.  I apply conditioner to only the hair below my ears - concetrating most of the conditioner to the ends of my hair.  Avoiding the scalp hair can help reduce the oily appearance of your hair.

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I second that!! There is no way to get rid of them other than to cut them off. Split end "healers" just seal the hair outside it and they split inside the "casing" and just get worse. But as BikerBraid mentioned, you don't have to lose length every time you trim splits.