Welcome Jane.
Sorry to hear of your hair woes.  You've already identified what is damaging your hair - hair dryers, chemical processing and the flat iron.  Each of these dried out the hair making it brittle and prone to split ends and breakage.  Eliminating these would do your hair a world of good.

If you stopped at least one of the damaging steps, your hair would be thankful.  A few things that you might try:
1.  To dry your hair, try to let it air dry as much as possible then use the hair dryer on a cool (or no heat) setting to finish the drying. 

2.  Be careful when handling your wet hair.  The hair is very elastic when wet and will break easily.  Don't brush wet hair.  Try to use a wide toothed comb that has no sharp seams on the teeth to comb wet/damp hair.

3.  Take care of the damaged ends.  Try a moisturizing leave-on conditioner.  Or try using jojoba oil on the ends (do this at night to let it soak in).  Trim any split ends as soon as possible to prevent them from doing more damage.

4.  If possible, try to discontinue coloring your hair.  Or use a gentle coloring such as Robert Craig brand, or even try henna.  (Don't use henna if you have recently colored your hair, and be sure to do a strand test first.  Use body quality henna.)

5.  The flat iron is cooking/boiling your hair.  Try to use it as little as possible and don't let it get too hot or leave it on the hair too long. 

6.  Consider "starting over".  Trim as much of the damage off as you can and let your hair grow out naturally.  You may think it looks horrible in its natural state, but maybe you just need to learn other methods of handling your hair.  If it is curly, learn how to work WITH the curls rather than removing them.

7.  Hang around here - there are lots of people with great suggestions to help you out.

Good luck!

Hi Jane,

Sorry to hear your hair woes... (((hugs))) I know about having fried hair and it's not fun.. 

I've got a couple of suggestions:

1. stick with the deep conditioners!  It's going to take some time to undo the damage done to your hair, and there's really no "instant miracle" product.  It takes time, so hang in there!

2. the only real way to get rid of damage is to cut it off.  Maybe a trim is in order to get rid of split ends?  Otherwise, keeping your hair protected (using a comb only when it's wet, minimal dry-brushing, and limited use of heat styling products) can help keep more damage from happening, but original damage will still be there.

3. to have really healthy hair, you have to use hair-friendly things.  That means the hair-dying (with harsh amonias, and who knows what all chemically else..) and hair-drying (the hair-dryer actually scorches your hair, and the flat iron.. well, just like BB said, boils your hair) has to go.  A good option is to wean yourself from the hair-dryer by letting the majority of your hair air-dry first, then applying a leave-in conditioner and using the cool setting on the hair-dryer. 

You can also try wet-combing, which well help the hair dry straight-er.  You simply comb your hair about every 5-10 minutes after washing it until it's dry.  Another option is braiding or bunning your hair while it's still wet and letting it dry naturally before taking your hair down.  Braids will give you nice waves, and buns will give you a little bit of curl.

However, there is no help when it comes to the flat iron.  That thing's just evil. 

4. To have really healthy hair, you have to embrace your hair for what it is.  If it's wavy/curly, there's no use in trying to make it stick straight.  Trying to fight nature usually means chemicals and damage, not promoting health.  It's tough at first, but just like everything else.. it will grow on you as you begin to undo damage. 

And one more thing....

5. Healthy hair starts from the inside out!  Your own health and diet negate the health of the hair you'll grow.  Excersize, eat well, and take a good multi-vitamin!  In time, your hair will come around. 


Hang in there, Jane!

thanks for all the help!  i will definitley try some of that stuff out.  lis- my hair is probably like 4-5 inches past my shoulders.  it is very thick and wavy.  thanks

i actually like wavy hair, but the thing is is my hair is not a pretty type of wavy.  it is more of a frizzy, fried wavy look if that makes sense.  it makes me look like a mess and like i didnt take any time on myself.  when i straighten it or blow dry it straight it looks much better even though it is still really damage.  i dont think the damage is as noticeable when i make it straight

I think the recommendations above will help you a lot, getting rid of the splits and deep conditioning.  When I first started taking care of my hair right, I spent a lot of time cutting out splits, but it was worth it. 

Sometimes mine looks frizzy right after airdrying, but then it calms down a lot with a little spray-on or jojoba oil, or sometimes just if I give it a little time.

One other thing, if you are going to keep coloring, of course henna is best for the hair's condition, if you can use it, but I have had good results with using Herbatint every two months.  It also doesn't smell as icky as the regular kind.  I think if you lighten your hair it is worse for its condition than darkening it.  I color mine the same color it already is to cover the gray, and I notice little or no damage from it.