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The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl (Read 327817 times)
Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #30 - Jul 17th, 2007 at 5:53am
 
I called a place for ceramic classes not too far from me and the initial cost is $8 plus the cost of the bisque that you choose.  A pretty fair price because it includes the usage of tools,paints,stay as long as you want or need and the firing of the piece you choose.  This place has only bisque and no pottery classes.  Their other store has that and is further from me.  I'd rather not rely on Stress-A-Ride(oops,I mean Access-A-Ride!) if I'm further away from home and they stand me up or don't show up to pick me up to take me home.  Boy I tell ya,a service that is supposed to be for disabled people making it supposedly easier on them is extremely stressful because of the good chance they are either very late to pick you up or don't show at all or drive right by you!!!
Any way,I did find a cone and coil incense set on e-bay for $7 with a ceramic holder.  I got that because it has a dual purpose.  I can burn cones and coils on the holder.
Oh btw,I asked Champ about the mysterious disappearance and he claims no responsibility and he insinuates that the birds know something!!!  Talk about " a little birdie told me"!!!  This puppy is going to be a worthy chess player with all his stragedy thoughts!!
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Curlgirl64
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #31 - Jul 19th, 2007 at 8:19pm
 
I've had a lot of mixed emotions that past few days,most of them depressing Embarrassed  My mother bought a vacation home in South Carolina in a new development and is quite excited about eventually moving down there for good once my grandmother is no longer alive.  Yes everything is cleaner,brand new and the craziness of city living is non-existent there.  All well and good.  I've been told that if I live down there with her I will have my own bedroom and that's it.  All the things I have here,my bookcases,futon furniture,pots and pans etc will have to be sold.  There is nothing of my personality to come down there.  At all.  She bought a bedroom set for my bedroom,a mattress and grab bars for the bathroom that will be used by me and anyone visiting the house.  I'm surprised that she doesn't want the walk in closet that is in the bedroom for me.  She complains that it is bigger than the one in her master bedroom and the bathroom in her bedroom will not have a tub.  I feel like I'm going to be serving a prison sentence.  I asked if I can put shelves up on the walls and was told if they won't make the room look cluttered and will be able to be supportive on the wall.  Whatever that means. Roll Eyes  My choice I was told was that either I can move down there with her in a few years or find somewhere else to live. Angry Shocked  I'm between a rock and a hard place because I rely on SSDI and am disabled so it's not like I can say screw it I'll find somewhere else to live..  I have my own apt. now in her 2 family house.  I do pay rent.  Not the going rate that it is going for,but the bathroom is tiny and nothing has been done to it in the 27 years that she owns the house.  Who knows when any work was done to it!!! 
Either I can marry the guy that I'm seeing now,but that is not in my plan although it may be in his.  I'm not "head over heels" in love with him.  He is far more disabled than I am and who is going to take care of him as our diseases progress???  I can't do it.  I don't mean to sound cold,but if I am disabled;how am I supposed to take care of me and him?????
I was told my bird cages are going in my bedroom.  Fine,I want my birds and dog with me anyway.  I said I needed my Poing chair in there so I can crochet.  I can't sit in a regular chair to crochet because it reeks havoc on my neck and back.  I again was told it won't fit and told to either live somewhere else or deal with it!  I think you talk to a child under 18 that way,not a 42 year old.  My mother has never spoken to her children as adults.  She has always either been condesending or expressed doubt in anything we do or say.
Example being is my mother is driving and I'm in the front passenger seat and my siser is in the back seat;my mother will ask my siser,"Theresa,should I make a left or right turn up here?"  She'll respond and my mother will either doubt her answer or claim she doesn't know if she should go straight. Huh Angry  Mind you,I'm holding the directions in my hand!!!!  I conclude that her mentality is if I'm disabled then I'm either mentally retarded,stupid or not capable to knowing which direction to go. This woman is college educated and has a masters degree.
So my quandry will be to either sell most of all I have,marry someone and stay here or try to find my own place that is not in a bad neighborhood..............
I do believe this is a time for serious meditation!
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Kiraela
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #32 - Jul 19th, 2007 at 8:30pm
 
oh, geez, Curlgirl, that is horrible! I can't tell you what to do, but I can offer a shoulder if you need one, and a hug.
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“It’s easy to love somebody before you really know them. The trick is to keep loving them once you do.” ~ Mackenzie Blaise, --> TalesOfMU.com&&
 
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Angel Spun
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #33 - Jul 19th, 2007 at 10:24pm
 
Curlgirl...Do NOT marry someone that you're not absolutely 100% head over heels crazy in love with.

Your mother sounds quite a bit like my own in her "my way or the highway" attitude and personal biases. If you can possibly avoid it, honey, please don't force yourself into an environment where you will have to conform to these things. She has only her best interests in mind - not yours.

Look for a place that you can afford on your own. And as for the guy, I'd suggest setting him free if you're not completely crazy about him. Otherwise, you're just leading him on. You wouldn't want someone doing that to you. Hearts are not toys.

I hope everything works out.
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #34 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 1:35am
 
Oh my goodness.  First, let me say you have my deepest sympathy.   Cry  While I am very lucky in my mother (though not in the man she married) my husband experiences similar things with his mother, and also with his father when he was alive.  They hurt.  They hurt more deeply than I ever want to understand, and you are justified in whatever you are feeling.

I agree with Angel, marriage, with this man at least, is NOT the answer.  I think even if you were "crazy in love" you would still need to consider the very real practicalities of your conditions. 

What about a roommate?  Whether your mother is attempting to be selfish, controlling, or has decided she has had enough of your sponging (I understand you are not.  I wasn't either.  I also was in a very real situation where I had a very real need, and I was treated like my need was a choice) doesn't matter.  She has decided for whatever reason that her house is more important than her daughter. 

Leave her to that choice if you can.
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #35 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 2:22am
 
Thank you all ,ladies for your caring thoughts!  Bigs hugz to you all. 
Kiraela,thanks for the shoulder,hon!!

Yes,Angel hearts are not to be played with.  I totally agree.  I think this guy and I have been friends first and then a couple.  It's ok,but nothing that I'm  gagga about.  Knowing me, I would not get married just to avoid another situation and settle for something I'm not thrilled with.  I know when the time comes I would have weighed all my options,made a pros and cons list and then make the best decision for me.  I so appreciate your feelings,sista!!!
Texian Traveler,I am so there with your thoughts!  Thank you so much for sharing those with me and your sympathies!  You too I appreciate!  I'm not so sure about the room mate thing though.  I have a dog and 4 birds.  So it might be rather difficult to find someone who can handle that and me whatever they bring to the table.  Time will tell.
As for now,I think it is a wake up call of sorts for me to either downside or start getting rid of things that I don't need.  Believe it or not I went through all my jeans and came up with 9 pairs that are too big and either need to be given to the consignment shop,e-bay or the church collection!  One small step!  I don't even want to think about my yarn stash to go through! Roll Eyes Undecided
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joeydog 1992
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #36 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 5:17am
 
Curlgirl,

I dunno where I have been. I only just saw your posts about your problems.  I am soooo sorry you are having such a tough time.  I would love to say more but because of a thunderstorm that has been going on for 2 hours, I cannot get one of my dogs to go out (and she wont last 20 hours from last night to tonight), she disconnected me by lying down on the phone cord AND she lay down in the honey and baking soda I have out for the ants to eat (no idea how she got herself into such a tiny corner but what a mess it made of her for me to clean up).  This doesn't even include what the other 4 are up to!!!  I have to get to work here animals!!!  I will think on about your situation and touch base tonight, although I know I will have no solutionw.  Hang in there.  Oh, and don't go get married!!! Wink

JD

JD
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #37 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 6:36am
 
Thanks,JD!  Don't worry I won't go and get married!  I think my mother has left her poison seeds on that subject! Angry  Makes it damn hard to try to dream of a nice good marriage anyway..........
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #38 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 12:09pm
 
You have my sympathies.  Cry  It is always tough when major life changes need to be made and even tougher when you can't control significant aspects of those changes.

Living on SSDI is not easy - I had many clients who were living on it - or should I say, subsisting.  Is there any Section 8 housing you might qualify for?  Subsidized rent could help.  A roommate is also a consideration. 

Hang in there... a solution will present itself; you just have to be open to it.
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joeydog 1992
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #39 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 6:20pm
 
Hi Curly,

I sent you a message from work today...sorry to say I have no further ideas...but I think you should tell people what we both know about housing for the disabled...people need to know!!!

JD
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #40 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 8:18pm
 
Thank you ,BB!  I am checking into section 8 in homes rather than apt. buildings.  I've never lived in an apt. building,nothing against them,but I've always lived in a house either my parents owned or grandparents owned or now that my mother owns.  I think an apt. building would be too much for me to handle both mentally and emotionally.  I've got time so it will eventually sink in and maybe I won't be so emotional about it.  Funny thing is Sat. night my sister,BIL,brother,mother and myself are supposed to go out and celebrate my mother's upcoming birthday and buyitng this new townhouse! Roll Eyes  Like I really want to celebrate.......
On a happier note,I've decided that since I've been crocheting since I was a kid,it's time to "bite the bullet" and learn how to knit. Shocked Cool  I found a great "learn how to knit kit" with a few extra goody essentials thrown in.  So I'll add another craft to the list and maybe have some gifts for Christmas and to give to nursing homes or charity Wink Smiley
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joeydog 1992
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #41 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 8:36pm
 
Section 8 is code talk to me...can you explain?

JD
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #42 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 8:38pm
 
It's either a nightmare living condition or it can be ok for low income people.  Depends on the area.  It is actually a government subsidy.
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joeydog 1992
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #43 - Jul 20th, 2007 at 9:20pm
 
Ugh..as I said in my email, understand how bad it can be...but no pearls of wisdom.  Tell us if we can do anything for you Curl.

JD
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Curlgirl64
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Re: The Twists and Curls of a Curlgirl
Reply #44 - Jul 22nd, 2007 at 8:15am
 
Thanks,JD!  I'm just trying to either accept what's going to happen or trying to figure out what to keep and what to get rid of and it will be because I want to get rid of it and then move into a place of my own.
Most of my childhood memories are gone because my mother threw them out because we kids either didn't have a place to put them when we were adults or she just felt like throwing them out!  There is a big cardboard drum canaster on her porch that has teaching papers in it from I think 1980!  Do you think that was to be thrown out!  It's a European double standard,plain and simple.  It's the "I can do it,but you can't " thing.  I think that was one of the reasons why I decided not to have children.  I will not allow something that I hate to be allowed to be passed down to my kids.  They see and absorb so much,I didn't want that ugly thinking to be passed down to them.  My thoughts are, if you don't like something,change it or don't partake in it.  I don't want that way of thinking to continue so she can't instill it in my children if I don't have any to instill it in.
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