No advice.  Just  *HUGS*

Thursday: CWC with Suave toasted vanilla & honey conditioner and Pantene Ice Shine S&C. I'm running out of my Pantene leave-in, which is a combination of Detangling Light Spray Conditioner and Resotratives Strengthening Spray. Wet detangled almost all of my hair, even part of the crown, and oiled the ends.

Friday: WTCC with Pantene Ice Shine shampoo followed by a deep conditioner that I mixed up: 1 tsp. EVOO, 1 tsp. aloe vera gel, 1 tsp. honey, 4 tsp. Pantene Intensive Restoration Treatment. Nuked for 11 seconds, applied after washing and towel drying and left on for an hour. Rinsed and chased with Ice Shine conditioner and Cabellina horse conditioner...the latter of which I am thankfully almost out of.
   Wet detangled as much as possible and oiled the ends. Braided as usual.
   Also did the last sugar scrub for the week on my right arm. It's pretty well healed. I will begin the sugar scrubs on my left arm next Monday, as most of the scabs and nerve damage on it have healed as well.

Saturday: CWCC with Suave toasted vanilla & honey conditioner, Pantene S&C and Cabellina horse conditioner. Wet detangled the length with Pantene leave-in, my oil solution and my broke RS #45 comb. Didn't oil the ends (whoops) as I was sidetracked by makeup. But I did braid...poorly.    At least it's out of the way.

Other: The boy apologized for upsetting me (again) and we worked things out (again). Phew! I'm getting tired of this bloody roller coaster. Let's hope for much less drama in the future.
   My grandfather left this morning to return to WA. Earlier than planned, but he'd fallen under the weather and had gotten homesick.    I guess he'll be back in October.
   My surrogate parents from KS are here, along with their daughter and her two daughters. I haven't seen them yet since they've been in town. Hopefully soon...
   Finally got around to the much needed mani-pedi. Blackberry on the fingers, black on the toes. Verrry shiiiny...
    Also, I think that I may have found the perfect hairstyle for my next wedding. 

Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend.  

Trisha: Eeeeasy, dearie. *fans you* No rush now. I never said it was tomorrow.  

Hair: Tuesday = clarifying day. The usual method of a Pantene Purity wash, vinegar rinse, another Purity wash. Then conditioned once with Pantene Ice Shine conditioner and left it in for about 30 (?) seconds before rinsing it out.
   No leave-ins, sprays, oils, combs. Nothin.' Just let it air dry as I went about my morning "routine." Now it's finally braided. All of the broken ends that poke out everywhere along the length are still a significant source of depression for me. I think about them a lot and feel helpless because I have no idea how they got there, and therefore no idea how to prevent more.  

Other: Monday was rough, so no sugar scrub for the left arm. Today, I just didn't have time. So hopefully I'll get around to it tomorrow. There just aren't enough hours in the day, man.  
   In addition to laundry, clarifying, shaving and straightening up my room, I also managed to put myself together this morning. Makeup, jewelry...all that. I miss that whole æsthetic. And I want to start getting used to doing it all again. hehe And a co-worker just told me that I "look very pretty today."
   The long-distance love thang is still going. Right now, my guy's practicing with the indie band that he just quit. He promised them one more show, and then he's done. Maybe after this, he'll think more seriously about finding steady work. *sigh*
   So far as I know, he's still on for next month. Faithless as it sounds, I'm hoping that he won't do anything to ruin his chances. I promised myself when we began this...whatever it is...that I wouldn't wait a year. Now I've waited 9 months and after being let down so many times, I stay both hopeful and skeptical at the same time. Oh, I'm excited for it and all, but I have enough disappointment behind me to stay in reality.

Anyway, that's it for today.

Kiraela: Amen. Your words are a comfort in an otherwise hectic situation. I appreciate them more than you know. *big hugs, little sis* 

Smoothness: Yesterday, I finally began the sugar scrubs on my left arm, and did both a salt and sugar scrub on the right. Not a trace of that burned, damaged skin smell. The right arm is healed; the left still has some small patches of scar tissue where the scabs used to be. All of the baby hairs are still sprouting up. Everything is almost back to normal.
    In addition, I also mixed up a deep conditioning treatment of EVOO, aloe vera gel, honey and Pantene Restoratives Time Renewal Replenishing Mask. I'm still trying to get rid of all of my old Pantene products before I start using the new.
    Anyway, I washed all of my hair once with Ice Shine shampoo, squeezed the water out with my microfiber towel, applied the deep conditioner and left it in for the usual hour while I washed my combs and such. After rinsing out the treatment, I conditioned with Ice Shine conditioner and Cabellina horse conditioner (which is finally almost gone).
    After rinsing and towel drying again, I sprayed my Pantene leave-in and my oil solution all over the length and back of my head and combed out.
    Smooth hair, smooth arms...who could ask for more? 

Tiredness: I didn't post much yesterday due to severe anxiety...or panic...or both.    It wasn't fun, but I'm a little better today. One drawback to us creative types is all of the drama that goes along with it. You have to take the bad with the good, I guess.
    The past few nights have been spent with very little sleep, so this morning, I'm thoroughly exhausted and even almost nodded off while driving to work.    Hopefully, I'll be able to take a nap when I get home. Hopefully. *sigh*

The Rest: My surrogate parents from KS came over for dinner last night with their oldest daughter and her two daughters. It was great seeing all of them again, and the kids took to me immediately as children often do, so it was cool hanging out with them. They said that I looked to be about 15 and were shocked when I told them my real age.    Everyone really liked my room as well. And I finally got to give them some pictures that I'd owed them for years, and had been sitting in my armoire for quite awhile.
    Other big news...after 4 long years, my little sister finally got her braces taken off. I can't even imagine the relief that must be. hehe It's weird seeing her without them, but my God, her teeth look better than mine do.

Anyway, that's about it. Things are going. I only wish that I could make the small pinches of worry-induced nausea go away. 

Thanx, Kiraela & Jdog.

Hair: Well, I am on my 3rd day of CWC's as usual for a Monday. Tomorrow I will clarify and the whole weekly process will repeat itself. It's monotonous, but that's ok if it's working, I guess.

Shopping: Since my guy (if I can even still call him that) was not available over the weekend, I had a lot of time to myself. So I finally used my gift certificates and my Best Buy Rewards. With the former, I got a great new shirt, a dark chocolate & raspberry Godiva bar and a huge set of gorgeous flatware that I'd had my eye on for years, which just happened to be on sale.  
   At Best Buy, I bought not one, but 3 new CD's: AFI - Decemberunderground, Offspring - Smash and Radiohead - Amnesiac. Decemberunderground is in my car stereo right now and has been pretty good so far. I haven't listened to it all the way through. I love the dark æsthetic that the band carries out.

Health: Arms are doing better all the time. Save for a few recovering bug bites, the right one is pretty normal again. On Sunday, I did the final sugar scrub on the left and wouldn't you know it? The damaged skin smell returned just a little. Today it's faint, but still there. I think I'll let it recover for another week or so before moving onto the salt scrub.
   Sleep has gone down yet again. Now I'm in the 4-5 hour realm and wake up with that awful sick, sinking feeling in my stomach. Anxiety is almost constant, and for whatever reason, it seems to peak when I need to eat or drink something, so I have to fight it in order to do so. I've been watching videos and listening to music as a means of either coping or escaping. Talking to friends helps a lot, as I really just need a sympathetic ear and some honest advice.

The Boy: Ugh. Guys. The root of my every major distress. If I ever meet one who is completely devoted and honest, I think I'll pass out. To me, they're as mythological as mermaids and unicorns, only not nearly as pretty.  
   My guy? Yeah, it feels strange and uncomfortable calling him that now as he certainly doesn't seem to deserve the title. In any case, I've been struggling with this for days and haven't found any relief, so I'm going to go against proper relationship etiquette and spill the beans. Any comments/advice/insight/insults are welcome. I hope that he will forgive me, but I'm at wit's end and at a loss as to how to deal.
   So here's what happened...on Thursday morning, he told me that he wouldn't be around over the weekend, as he had plans. Just things like museums, aquariums, cookouts, etc. He was also having a terrible allergic fit and ended up having to lie down suddenly. He slept for about 14 hours straight before waking up late at night and staying awake until about 5 am. I didn't hear from him at all until late Saturday afternoon, when I called him, though I was very brief and distant and actually ended up hanging up on him.    I called back later that night and we argued. In the process, he said that he thought he needed to let me go and admitted that he'd been holding back certain details of his outings to prevent me from getting jealous.
   Now let me say this...he's one of those guys who has a lot of female friends (though he has assured me in the past that I was the only person whom he was interested in). One of them, a family friend (I presume) from out of state, came to visit him on Thursday and on through the weekend and was staying at his house. This is why he was unavailable all weekend. He had told me a little about what he would be doing, but purposely did not mention whom he'd be doing it all with, as he thought that I would be jealous. I suppose that I should mention, for the record, that this "friend" does have a romantic interest in my guy. She posts little messages on his MySpace page almost every day and they talk a great deal.
   Anyway, thanx to his MySpace page, I already knew that this gal would be visiting. She even went so far as to publicly count down the days until she would see him. It's sickening.
   So that's the deal. He's been tooling around town for days with an out of state friend who has the hots for him and pretty much ignorning me in the process. Now, I understand that he's busy with this company that he doesn't see very often right now and doesn't have much time left over, so it's not like I'm totally heartless about it all. However, given the circumstances and the way he's been handling them, I definitely have my suspicions. Am I being selfish and unfair or do I have reasonable cause to worry? My trust really isn't what it used to be and he has broken it down little by little at times, but never so severely as this, I don't think. The fact that he feels the need to leave things out is probably what bothers me most. Second to that is the fear that he might have feelings for this "friend." It worries me to think that she might try something...and that he might let her get away with it. I definitely feel that my trust has been violated.
   So I'm a complete mess and there's why. I don't normally rant this much, but I'm tired of feeling this way. Plus, I trust my long-haired family here more than, say, psychotherapy.  

Anyway, there it is. I feel guilty for putting it all out in the open like this...but I wanted people to understand what I was going through rather than assuming that I was nuts. Maybe I am anyway...