One hour left here at work. I figured that I had time for a short entry.

First of all, big thank you to everyone who replied. *HUGZZZ* I love you all.

It's good to know that y'all don't think I'm a nutcase.    As for seeing a doc, well, I don't have one, can't afford one and wouldn't see one even if I were able. That just isn't the way I choose to deal with the slings and arrows of life.

Confrontation is key, and all of you have touched on one very important fact: Trust is critical. And not just trust, but implicit trust. The kind of trust that stands strong against anything life throws at it. Without that kind of trust, you can never really love someone. And if you can't really love them, then that isn't a real relationship. Er, not that the guy and I have a real relationship just yet. Well, we do...we kind of do, but...oy, why must it all be so complicated?  

Anyway, interestingly enough, just as I had hit the Post button on my last entry, "The Distant One" and I finally began talking again. Not arguing, just talking as usual. He said that regardless of how I now feel about him, he loves me and wishes to prove it. How nice, eh? But all of you already know that I can't be won over that easily.  
   After a minor lecture on trust, openness and honesty, and finally getting out some of the questions that had been eating away at my soul, I think I was finally able to make some progress in both easing my nerves and making him understand my POV. Whether this long-distance pseudo-whatever can be saved is pretty much up to him. It all comes down to whether or not I can trust him and I will only be able to decide that with proper time and action.

Someone here once suggested (and I apologize for not remembering whom right this moment) that I write down everything that was bothering me just before I go to sleep. And it seems to have helped some, so when I remember who it was that suggested it, I will thank them properly. A few days ago, I had 2 pages filled with worry. Since the boy and I have been talking again, it's now down to just half a page. Of course, I'm not going to be overly optimistic. As Jdog said, what is meant to be will be.

In hair news, today was a clarifying day. The usual routine + the worst braid ever. Ah well.  

Anyway, 23 minutes to quittin' time. Wish me luck with the rest of this emotional tornado, will ya?

*hugz, Trish* Love ya, sis.
    Yes, trust is vital in any relationship. And yes, I do have more life experience than he does. But that doesn't justify his actions. At his age, he should still know better. I did. And he is aware that what he did was wrong. I can tell that he feels badly about it, and he should. Dishonesty is never ok, period.

On something of a good note, we're still talking. I said everything that I needed to say, voiced every concern that needed to be addressed, and asked every question that I needed to ask. My anxiety is pretty much gone. Now comes the period of "we'll see what happens." The boy and I still love each other, but I have made it abundantly clear to him that if he wishes to have my trust back, he'll have to earn it. In all honesty, I'm not sure if it will ever come back, but if he wants a relationship with me as badly as he has claimed to, then it is in his best interest to try. No guarantees on my part. We'll just wait and see. I'm not going to force myself to make up my mind about everything right here and now.

In hair news, well, there isn't any news. Same ol' CWC today because I had the morning shift. Because of that, I wasn't able to oil last night or treat this morning. But whatever. C'est la vie.
    All of the pokey ends everywhere are still driving me bats-o. Somedays, I feel like going into the bathroom with a pair of scissors and trying to cut them all off one at a time, but not only would that take forever, I'd still have the pokey ends...they'd just be shorter.    It's terribly frustrating. My hair has never looked this ratty before. But what's even more maddening is not really knowing how it all got there. In retrospect, it could have been any number of things: my brushes, severe tangles, flannel bedding, stress, washing daily, unkind hairtoys, etc. etc. etc. What bugs me most is that I'm not sure if I'm just growing out damage from years past or if all of it occurred at the same time semi-recently. My family has often commented on its poor condition. 

Sleep is the same as ever. Some nights I get more than usual, but the "usual" has become very little. I suppose it could be worse.

Money is tight at the moment, but even so, I'm planning another spending spree of sorts. I've been waiting too long for a lot of things and I'm just going to give into the urge. It will help to elevate my mood and remind me that my life is, indeed, all about me. You can't rely on other people to make you happy - it's important to remember that you must make yourself happy as well (a little lesson that I learned during my divorce). And after all of the stress I've endured over the last week, I need a boost. 

So I'm off to just be myself and indulge myself a bit. Remember who I am and all that jazz. If "The Distant One" wants all that I've got to offer, he's gonna have to work for it. He owes me that much. 

Thanx again for all of the support, my sisters. Love you!

Just checking in quick today.

This morning was a WTC since I missed it yesterday. I'll likely do the same tomorrow. Washed all of my hair with Pantene Ice Shine Shampoo and left a blended conditioning treatment in for an hour. haha "blended"...not literally made in a blender or anything. 
Anywho, it was 1 tsp. EVOO, 1 tsp. honey, 1 tsp. aloe gel, 4 tsp. Pantene Intensive Moisturizing Mask. Nuked for 11 seconds and stirred with a fork. Anyway, after an hour, I rinsed and followed with Ice Shine conditioner.

Detangled with Pantene Detangling and my broken RS #45...and wouldn't you know it? I oiled the ends today, too.
    Yesterday, I had to run out and buy a new oil spray bottle because my mother trashed my old one for whatever reason.    Oh well. The new one is clear and it gets the job done. I washed it and mixed up a new oil solution right after. So it's all good there, and I store the new bottle in my room where no one else can touch it.

Today, my father's band has a gig at the local trolley square, so I'm going to head over there right after work. I can't wait to see how many people they draw.    This is the "busy season" for the band, so they'll probably have regular work through the winter.

Anyway, it's almost time for my break...l8rz!

Thanx, RTG. 
Just about any deep conditioner can be used in that treatment. Pantene Pro-V is just the only thing that really works for my hair.

The trolley square show was last night and my father's band ended up drawing the biggest crowd in the history of that stage. I was grinning ear to ear when I arrived because I had never seen so many people gathered there before. Usually, that stage hosts minor acts with a very small turnout. But last night was just nuts. Leave it to my dad. 
    They were also the first band to ever get an encore request, so they literally made trolley square history...twice. The stage staff was pretty amateur and the sound wasn't balanced very well, but the band was able to compensate with their own adjustments. It was a great night.    The staff even begged them to come back next summer.

As I mentioned yesterday, I did another WTC this morning. Same method, same products. Today, I forgot to bring a hairtie to work so I had to leave my hair down. But that's ok because my co-workers like my hair and have complimented it a few times. 

On another musical note (bad pun  ), my long-distance guy is playing his last show with his band tonight. I'm hoping that the other guys won't give him too much crap about quitting, since he's wanted to for a long time.
    As far as the pseudo-relationship, it's still on. I think that my trust may be coming back...verrrrrry slowly. But we'll see. Like I said, I'm not going to rush it. It can't be rushed. It's his fault for breaking it down in the first place, so the least he can do is be patient and give my heart what it needs to heal.

Anyway, with all of that said, the weekend is almost here, so I'm going to start shutting down the office. My eyes are going googly from staring at this computer screen for so long. 

Hair: Much needed clarifying day. I'm questioning a lot of things about my routine right now.

Health: That's a joke, right?

Love: Ohhhh its....getting better.   

Life: This space for rent. 

Work: Distracted. No training sessions scheduled yet.

Sorry it's so short, but that's really about it.

I'll let you tear it up
If you don't wake me up
But if you tear it,
We can't repair it
So please don't wake me
'Til someone cares
Now no one cares
             -AFI, The Missing Frame

2nd day of CWC. The length and ends of my hair feel nice and soft, though I'll probably have some seriously flat, stringy locks by tonight. My hair doesn't like not being washed every day, but it doesn't matter so much if I pull it all back into a braid anyway.
    This morning, I did a wet detangle with Pantene Detangling spray and my broken RS #45 comb. And I oiled the ends.
    It will be interesting to see how my haircare routine will change after I move out of my parents' house and don't have to worry about their schedules and prejudices. Right now, I can only get away with clarifying, treating, etc. when they're not around and it's better that way. They'd freak if they knew what I did while they aren't at home.    Nothing bad, just things that their narrow little minds can't handle. *ahem*

Anyway, full workday today on about 3½ hours of sleep. Ugh.    Not sure when I'll begin training my cousin on the work at my uncle's office, as I'm supposed to take care of it after my shift ends here. Scheduling a training session for Friday morning wouldn't work because that's the only time that I can fit in a deep conditioning treatment this week. I've already missed the first one.

So it goes. Tired, hungry and pressed for time. My far-away friend is busy with funeral arrangements for his uncle, and I with side work. Thank goodness that the night is on our side, even if the day isn't. And thank goodness that tomorrow is payday!!