Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit.  In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately.
Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone.  Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.  Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?  It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an efort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a lice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you  eave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry,  January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body horoughly used up, totally worn out and screaming

LOL!!! That's funny!! I think I'll foloow some of those
tips.  I can always diet on Jan 2

Holiday Eating Tips - Modified

1. Carrot sticks are to be avoided, but celery sticks are okay so long as they are stuffed with real cheese. Rum balls are okay, so long as they contain real rum.

2. Real eggnog contains real rum.

3. Good gravy improves almost anything, and in a pinch you can eat it alone from a bowl, like thick soup.

4. Mashed potatoes should be made with heavy cream. Period.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. But just in case everything there is gross, have a contingency plan.

6. It is necessary to stay in tip-top physical condition if you want to be consistently first to the buffet table and be able to stretch to reach goodies that are placed a little too far away.

7. If you want to become really good at a buffet table, you will need to practice and hone your observation skills. You should be eating your first plate before the majority of the celebrants in the room realize that food is being served.

8. Pies count as a serving of fruit or vegetable. The more, the better.

9. Fruitcake? It can be good if it's homemade, but even then it's a crapshoot. Regift it, nobody'll know.

10. One final tip: Be selective. Eat the best stuff, and leave the lesser offerings for those who can't tell the difference.

I figure five lbs is easy to loose - so I fully plan to leave myself that much leeway.

I really can't stand all those articles about "how to not gain during the Holidays" *burf*, g