lol Maggie, you are so cute, I could just kiss you.   Er...on the cheek, of course!    hehe

Thank you guys sooo much for all of the support: you rock!!

This week has been completely insane. I've been constantly attacked from every angle imaginable (work, family, finances, relationship, etc.) and the overwhelming levels of stress from each are all taking a collective toll...which is why I haven't posted much lately. I am completely whooped at the moment.

There were huge adventures surrounding my sister's birthday, the visit from HR, the crazy workload at the office, my ever-changing financial demands & stablity (or lack thereof), my boyfriend's work schedule, and the biggest interview of my life to date. I won't go into detail on each...mostly because I'd be typing for a week, and partly because the majority of it is in the past now...thank God.

I will say that the interview went alright. It was neither good nor bad, but it was extremely thought-provoking. The manager who interviewed me said that he would be making a decision in a few weeks.
   What bothers me now is the fact that he's looking for someone to fill the position on a long-term basis.

If I accept the position, it means that I've signed onto it for a minimum of 5 years. Due to the mass amounts of knowledge and experience that the position requires, it would be pointless to do it for any less amount of time.
   So, needless to say, it requires that I stay where I am, should it go through. Which is why, I hate to say, I'm actually kind of hoping now that it doesn't.    Yes, I realize that it seems rather a waste to get so psyched up at first for a position that I now almost do not wish to have...but it would be an even bigger waste to go through such extensive training only to be in the position for a year.

The thing is, I'm not sure how long I'm actually going to stay in San Diego. From the time I was about 13, it's been my dream and lifelong ambition to move to WA state.
   My former husband eventually did not wish to move, so I sacrificed for him. I'm not sacrificing anymore, period. But now, I finally have someone who is willing to make the move north with me, and idealistically, we would like to do so within the next few years.
   When I was in high school, my plan was to finish 2 years of junior college and then transfer to a WA university by age 20. I am already 6 years late...

In any case, accepting this position (if I'm chosen for it), will mean that I will once again have to put my dreams on hold and focus on the smaller things here and now. I've been doing this far too long. For once, I'd like to do something to move myself in the right direction.

The manager said that it "looks good" for me, but added also that there are a lot of applicants, and many of them have much more experience in the field than I do.

So I am torn. One way guarantees immediate success and indefinite confinement. The other way allows for freedom, but makes no guarantees for success. I guess I'll just have to see what he decides. It sucks that the fate of my life hangs on someone else's decision.    But...c'est la vie.

I believe most of all in integrity. If someone else is more qualified for the position and knows that they will be sticking around for more than a year, then the offer should absolutely go to them. I want what's best for the manager, the department and the company, whom I have all come to love. If they decide on someone else, I will only be happy and grateful because they will succeed and I will still be able to pursue my dream.

So that's where it stands. I leave the rest up to God.

The eeevil dæmon roommate finally came to remove most of his leftover things from his old room. Though we still have some unfinished business with him.

In hair news......I finally bought a new jar of Pantene DMR Intensive Moisturizing Mask after accidentally dumping half the contents of the current jar out in the shower (oops).  

The chemical burn from Pantene Restoratives has become pretty severe, though I cannot figure out what's causing it. I have the very same reaction from Herbal Essences, but upon reading the ingredients for HE, Restoratives and DMR (which works for me), I can find no major differences between them. The base ingredients are similar and in the same order. I suppose it's just the amounts of each and how they all work together.  ???

Last night, I bought lots of DMR 2 in 1 and conditioner. I figure this is the formulation which has brought me the most success thus far. If it ain't broke, don't fix it!

I also learned that baby shampoo is extremely drying! I shall never use it again.

It's kind of metaphoric, in a way. I try veering off of the beaten path, experimenting with this and that, only to realize that I had it right to begin with. Like "The Wizard Of Oz": If you don't find it in your own backyard, then you never really lost it to begin with.
   An invaluable lesson, whether you do it with shampoo, religion, the "religion of hair," or something else.    The point is that you learn something in the end...even if it's something you already knew. Has a way of reaffirming your convictions & all that jazz.

Well now I'm rambling. I usually don't start waxing philosophical until the wee hours & I'm very tired. Well....I am very tired. But I'm shutting up now. Tomorrow will be a "hair day." Until then.....

peace out!

Thanx, bikerbraid. You're a doll! 

FINALLY!!! The weekend has arrived...and not a moment too soon!

So why on earth am I still up at 12:30 posting messages when I should be resting my weary nerves? That's a good question.  ???

Today was payday - woohoo! Finally, I get a little $$ to play with!    I seem to be comfortably coming to terms with either possible outcome of my promotion interview. If I get it, cool. If I don't, cool. Either way works for me.

Yesterday, a friend of mine from a different message board said that she would call me tonight...so I spent the entire day psyched.    We had never talked over the phone before.
    When "tonight" finally rolled around, the inevitable nervousness & anxiety took over...especially when she asked if I was ready. My phone rang...and the two of us spent the next 2 hours talking like old friends. It was great. To have so much in common with someone else as we have is an uncanny coincidence...and a divine blessing. I love you, Carrie! 

In hair news, I washed once with Pantene DMR 2 in 1 this morning, then followed with an hour-long Intensive Moisturizing Mask treatment.
    I've been trying to use colder water on my hair. That really seems to help with body, shine, texture, etc. The dead-cold winter air has made cold water rinsing almost unbearable, and I'll admit, there were some mornings that I just used lukewarm water instead.    Son of a gun, oh the humanity...
    But I'm coming around to cold water again. I suppose it's worth the temporary discomfort. I rather wish we had one temperature control knob in the shower instead of two, though. Would make things so much easier...

Anyway, after rinsing out the hair mask, I followed with Pantene DMR conditioner. Leave-in's were the usual Light Spray Conditioner and Daily Moisture Treatment. No oil today...or yesterday...or the day before that.    I'm not liking all of this laziness.

My hair felt great today, but smelled weird. Maybe it's the fact that I haven't clarified between all of this "product-hopping" that I've done lately. Maybe I'll do that tomorrow: mix up a vinegar rinse, drag my Pantene Purity shampoo out from under the sink & have at it.

My neck is still royally parched from the chemical burn. I think Maggie may be onto something about my having "sensitive skin," which is funny to me. Up until recently, my skin was very tough. I could wear old Christmas ornaments as earrings without any irritation whatsoever. 
    Now, my skin seems to have very particular "preferences." My ears have become quite intolerant of stainless/surgical steel over the years, so now I have to be careful about what sort of earrings I put in them & how long I wear them.
    I can no longer use Herbal Essences or the like. My skin is fine with the Pantene Daily Moisture Renewal line, however. It's all very strange. *shrug* Hormones, perhaps?

Anyway, my uber-goth blackberry-coloured lipgloss has bled & faded so drastically that I now resemble The Joker. So I'm off to wash my face & finally get to bed.
    My boyfriend has side work tomorrow, so I'll have the whole day to do whatever I wish... *grimmace & wicked laugh....fade to black*

Just like a ping-pong ball.    I'm back on Herbal Essences. Speaking of which, has anyone else ever smelled the inside of a ping-pong ball? 

Anywho, today I did a clarifying wash with Herbal Essences Clarifying (duh) shampoo and a vinegar rinse. Followed with Herbal Essences Moisturizing (yellow) conditioner and the Leave-In Conditioner. I sprayed the usual baby oil mixture onto the ends & combed through with my RS #32. So far, so good.

It's been cloudy and cold for the past 2 days now. I am loving it...even if it's just a tease. Right now it's doing the cloudy, sunny, cloudy, sunny thing. The chill in the air and the wind patterns are behaving as if a storm is close by or fast approaching. I'm keeping my fingers crossed just in case.
    It would be a grave understatement to say that I love the rain, for it is literally a part of my soul. I am as deeply connected to it as I am to the night and the ocean. Few things on earth please me as much as the rain, the darkness and the cold.
    Call me "weird" or "freak" if you feel you absolutely must, but know that it's nothing I haven't heard countless times before. 

In a few minutes, I must leave for work...and that in itself is a subject that I have found myself pouring over more and more often these days.
    Though transferring to the customer service department of the company would be a good career move from a financial standpoint, I doubt that it will happen. I have mentioned the other candidates who better qualify for the position, plus, I would get very little satisfaction out of it with the one monitary exception.
    While I like my current position and working environment and love the people whom I work with, it doesn't meet my needs. Should my "promotion" fall through, I doubt that I will remain with the company much longer. I'd do much better to find something that works in harmony with the lifestyle I desire...unconventional as that may be.

Anyway, the winds of change are beginning to blow...and change is exactly what I need right now.

Valentine's Day went surprisingly well. My boyfriend got me a card and a black and silver heart-shaped locket.    I have agreed to get pictures taken with him (though I loathe being in front of a camera) for the purpose.
    We went to Souplantation for dinner because we had coupons for it. Ugh! That may have been a mistake. The place was so crowded (which didn't surprise me - it was Valentine's Day & the place is pretty cheap) and my boyfriend mentioned that his dinner wasn't that great. I only had a salad & a piece of buttered bread before I was stuffed.    We were glad to get out of there.
    After that, we headed to Target to pick up a few things...I was able to score the Herbal Essences Replenishing S&C - yes!! And then we went home.
    Honestly, shopping with him and spending time with him at home were more romantic than going out to dinner with all of the wine, roses & chocolates clichés. My mother always said, "Romance is where you make it."
    All in all, a good night. This morning I have "The Air That I Breathe" by The Hollies stuck in my head. 

Anyway, I must be off now. Until next time.

lol @ ping-pong innards

These were co-workers, BB. I didn't choose them. 

I guess i can come out of my closet now

My bedroom (in one of the 7 houses we've lived in) had a balcony, and i would always sneak out when it's raining or snowing out, and everyone is asleep...just sit there and get wet. I always felt like it was my sacred time...

This will be my last post here for awhile. I will be taking a forced indefinite hiatus from the net, as tomorrow my computer must be dismantled and repaired. Thanx be to the meddling ex-roommate. 

Speak of the devil (literally), my boyfriend and I have finally begun purging our place of his evil presence. I spent the last 3 days thoroughly cleaning and sterilizing our kitchen, while my boyfriend has emptied out his cousin's old room and thrown all of his leftover belongings into a trash bag so he can give them back all at once. And God, the things we found in there...     
    My boyfriend hasn't been very happy with his cousin of late. Given the circumstances about which he left and that he messed up our computer. This morning I asked my beloved if he wanted me to kill his cousin...and he said yes (FINALLY!).    Not that I would soil my hands with the job. 

Last night I slept alone yet again. *sigh*
    My boyfriend had errands that apparently kept him out until past 11:30 pm. I called him then & he said he was just getting ready to head home. I told him I wouldn't be awake when he returned...and I wasn't.
    At 4:00 am I woke up and he still hadn't come home! Angered, I called his cell number again only to have it ring and ring before going to voicemail. Then it hit me. It was raining hard and he had been driving...he wouldn't have been able to see anything...and now he wasn't answering his phone!
    Consumed by panic, I called again and again, even leaving a voicemail once. No answer. With my heart in my throat, I rushed out onto the balcony and looked out into the rain, hoping to catch some semblance of him - anything! Nothing. Nearing tears, I folded my hands on the balcony's railing, bowed my head and pleaded for God to return my beloved safely to me.
    The biting cold drove me back into my apartment just then, so I sat on the edge of my bed and just...hoped, knowing that there was nothing else that I could do. My body was still thrashed and exhausted from 11 straight hours of cleaning, but I knew that I wasn't likely to be getting anymore sleep. I hadn't worried that much - so fanatically - about anyone since my former husband.
    About half an hour later, my phone rang...and my prayer was answered by his voice on the other end of the line. He explained that he had come home earlier only to find me asleep. He had drank coffee and was wired, so he had gone off to a friend's house to play poker. His phone was on vibrate so he couldn't hear it when I called. This is God's sense of humour. He gave my boyfriend back to me...same as he ever was.   
    Furious, I hung up on him. I did not answer when he tried calling back, but tried, despite my anger, to go back to sleep. I had just about succeeded when he walked through the door with all the quiet grace of a semi.   
    Taking me by surprise, he actually apologized and admitted that what he did was a bad idea. Apologizing AND admitting he was wrong?! Completely unheard of for a man! I was surprised, but still quite angry, and my response was brief. I finally fell back to sleep in our bed while he cleaned up in the living room before crashing on the couch. 

This morning, I explained to him how worried I had been and the circumstances which caused it. He understood.

So yeah.....hair.

I'm back on Pantene's Daily Moisture Renewal line with a vengeance. I'm washing with the 2 in 1. Yesterday I used the Intensive Moisturizing Mask and today I used the Intensive Restoration Treatment before conditioning again with the DMR conditioner.
    This morning, I realized how many unused Herbal Essences conditioner bottles I still have lying around, so I've decided, rather than letting them go to waste, that I'll use them for 2nd conditionings each day until they're gone.
    I've also been heavy-oiling nightly. In a week, I'll check the progress.

Anyway, this entry is long enough now, so I'm afraid I must bid all of you a fond adieu. I'm not sure when my next entry will be, but I know that getting away from the computer for awhile will be good for me somehow. Until then, hair friends....it's been fun.

Peace!

We'll be awaiting you return!