I just noticed I've been sitting here staring at the cursor for minutes now, thinking of what to say.  I realize now that words aren't always the man for  the job, so here's just a huge ((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
))))))))))

Know that lots of love & prayers are coming my way for you.

All love, magz

(((((((((((group hug, everybody)))))))))))))))  Thank you so much. *weak smile*

The last few days have been confusing in the way I seem to be handling my dear grandmother's death. I'm either so well-adjusted or so overexposed to pain, loss and unfairness that I haven't reacted the way I always thought I would. It's all very strange, this near absence of passion. I have cried very little yet.
    Perhaps the weight and collective grievance of her funeral will pull me out of my funk. For now, I seem to be just walking around in a haze, with a deep and silent sorrow underneath it all. I can say that since I got the news, it is all I have been able to think about. This might just be one of those cases where random memories throughout time will bring a sudden, uncontrollable rush of tears. I don't know. Like I said, very strange. 

Today I have been neglecting my hair. It's past 2:00 and I haven't even washed it yet.    Kinda gross, but I'm kind of in this "what's the rush?" type of mood. It's Saturday, for crying out loud. I've worked my keister off all week - it's time to relax!
    Perhaps I'm just waiting for the hours of heat and light to pass by so I can start my day...at night.
    When I finally get around to that, I'm going to do a clarifying wash with Pantene Purity shampoo, a white vinegar rinse, Pantene Daily Moisture Renewal conditioner and plenty of cool - cold water.

Trouble is...my boyfriend's father (who lives next door and manages the apartments) is home, and I hate taking showers while he's home. He likes to scream at us for how much water we use.    But he can kiss my pallid posterior because I'm sure that the insane cost of rent more than covers it. Oy.

So...what do you do when some loathsome slimeball has your phone number?  ???
    Yesterday, between jobs, I (quite unexpectedly) ran into an old acquaintance from high school. *ahem* A most unfavourable acquaintance. It all happened so fast, that it's like a blur of shock and horror to me now. We recognized each other, exchanged a hug, each asked how the other was doing, exchanged updates...all of the typical social procedures for a case such as this. And then he slipped me a piece of paper and a pen so I could write down my phone number...just to catch up, mind you.
    My first instinct was to refuse, but it all happened so fast, that it seemed surreal in a way. I wanted to give him a fake number of some sort, but found myself writing the real one down! Oops!! 
    As I bid him farewell and turned away, I immediately scolded myself for not writing down a fake number of some sort. Anything would have been better than giving that weasel my real phone number - what a thoughtless, idiotic thing to do! *smacks forehead* D'oh! 

Well, nothing I can do about that now...which brings me back to the question....what do you do when an unholy character has your phone number?
    I've been thinking about rambling in French if he actually does call, but 1.) he would recognize my voice, 2.) my voicemail message is self-identifying. *sigh* Egad.
    For now I'm just really hoping that he doesn't call. Ever.

Anyway, I'll try not to think about that too much, as I have enough distress already. For the moment, I think I'll just do a scalp massage to some nice, relaxing music...like Metallica.  Just kidding. 

I'm so sorry about your loss  AngelSpun. Big hugs for you.I wish things get easier for you and your family.

I am sorry for your loss (((hugs)))

Thank you, everyone.

Still the drama continues.......

My boyfriend suggested that we go up to Disneyland on Sunday. Though I couldn't afford it, I agreed anyway, and the driving commenced. We were not yet halfway there when an argument (of sorts) ensued...about auto glass of all things...and we turned around and came home. Not one word was exchanged between us the whole way back...an hour of miserable silence - ugh! 

When we arrived home, he parked, handed me my keys, tossed me some money for the wasted gas, and we parted ways. He went to waste time with his friends....I went out east to shop and visit my parents. Nothing mends a woman's ailing heart like shopping, you know. 

Anyway, my parents dragged me around with them all day, as they had some shopping of their own to do. We also made plans for our trip to WA this weekend (finally, we all get to go!). Unfortunately, said plans force me to wake up at 2 am on Friday morning - ugh, ugh ugh - but my grandmother is worth it.
    One thing that really bothers me is...we're flying. I hate flying. I hate the idea of flying. I keep having these horrible visions of crashing...and burning...and dying. Dying without working things out with my boyfriend first. Dying on the way to a funeral...I know there's some irony there. And as if losing his wife wasn't enough, what on earth would my grandfather do if he lost ALL 4 of us AT ONCE?!
    Man. Deeeep breath, Angel. Everything will be alright. Odds are in your favour. Just calm down. 
    Anyway, so, yeah....did I mention I don't like flying?

In hair news, I ended up not washing it at all on Saturday. Bleagh.    Well, ok, it wasn't that bad...but not something I care to repeat.
    Sunday, I did a clarifying wash with Pantene Purity shampoo, a vinegar rinse, and Daily Moisture Renewal conditioner. Followed with the usual leave-in's: Pantene Light Spray Conditioner and Daily Moisture Treatment. My hair felt more like its usual old self again. Ahhhhhh...
    Today, it was DMR all the way. Washed once with the 2 in 1, follwed with the Intensive Restoration Treatment for 1 hour. Rinsed that out, and chased with DMR conditioner, then just for kicks, followed that with Herbal Essences Replenishing conditioner. I'm just trying to get rid of the bottle.
    The usual leave-in's followed, though I haven't oiled in the last 2 days & it shows.

I wonder what grandma would think of all of this hair business. She once privately expressed concern to me that I had some sort of obsessive-compulsive disorder.    She's probably looking down on me right now going, "Tsk tsk...it's even worse than I thought." Ah well. 

One more thing...I'm typing this at work because as predicted, our "copy" of Windows expired. By the time my boss gets the phone/internet bill, I'll be long gone. Bwahahahahahaaaaa!! 

Take a DEEEEEEP breath.  Think happy thoughts. I know a number of people who have a fear of flying.  I fly alot and fortunately it does not bother me.  Statistically, I am less likely to have an accident on a plane than I am driving to work.  I may not totally understand the physics of getting that huge metal tube up into the air and down again safely, but I trust the people who do understand the principles and have faith everything will go well.  Try to think of a graceful eagle flying along side of you, guiding you and your plane to your destination.

Everything will be fine. 

Here's to  wishing you well, Angel   Don't worry everything will be ok.  You'll look back at this in a few days and you'll feel relief.