haha You guys are so funny...but unfortunately, your numbers are way off. I've never had an eating disorder, nor do I look the slightest bit anorexic...nor am I attempting to. BMI and body fat percentage are normal and will continue to be at my goal weight. Strength is not a problem, nor are curves. I have a very high metabolism and have been thin all my life. The only reason that that ever changed was because of a medication I was taking a few years ago, as I have mentioned several times before. It has taken a long time for my body to readjust, but I'm getting there. And certainly not by any unhealthy means. I understand that certain people become jealous of others' success, but that's their problem, and it isn't going to sway my dedication in any way, shape or form. Perhaps if these people focused more on their own will power rather than comparing themselves to and discouraging others, then they might find their own success and self-respect.

So Tuesday = clarifying day? It does this week, apparently. I have a full day tomorrow, so that will be another CWC. This morning, I used up the last of my DMR conditioner. Just as well, I suppose. Getting rid of any product is good, as I can replace it with what I really want. Looks like I'll be using Pantene Ful & Thick shampoo for awhile though, so I might have to keep getting the matching conditioner.
    Otherwise, hair is...somewhere between blah and behaving, I suppose. S&D's are sporadic now - I really need to do that more regularly. Every day would be best. And I'm actually looking forward to a trim in November. Yikes, that's in little more than 2 months. Isn't this year going by fast? As I've mentioned, I'm glad for that, as it helps to put some distance between myself and the constant dramas of last year.

My bff had a job interview today - 2, actually. One on the phone and one in person. And they called him back for another! Very good sign.    Still not thrilled with lil' miss chicky spending so much time with him, but she'll be there tomorrow and there's nothing to be done about it. Now, it's just a matter of how quickly will the time pass...just get it over with. I'm really hoping that she goes back to school in September and won't be able to visit him anymore. And that he'll be too busy with his new job to concern himself with her.    What I'm really hoping is that he fixes things once and for all, and soon. Otherwise, I'm so done with this game. As ever, we'll see what happens...or what doesn't.

Alright, I'm sure I could write more, but work is getting really busy at the moment and it's difficult to keep a steady thought process.    More later.

Today brought the usual WTC routine for Friday. Washed with Pantene Full & Thick shampoo, then squeezed the water out with my microfiber towel and worked Pantene Moisturizing Essential Hydrating Rinse into the length, leaving it there under a shower cap for 1 hour. After rinsing it out, I conditioned as usual with the Full & Thick conditioner.
    Silkening crème and air dried as usual. It's down at the moment and pretty much dry. Every time I happen to see an ugly end, I snip it off. I've also been debating not cutting my hair at all for a year. Split ends haven't been a problem for a long time, so I could probably get away with it, if I was careful about not allowing the bottom part to dry out. And keep doing regular S&D's, of course. My next trim is supposed to be in November. Perhaps I won't get another until next November?    Would be an interesting experiment, if nothing else.

Mr. Long Distance called yesterday, quite excited because he got the job that he'd been interviewing for. Under present circumstances, I couldn't join in his enthusiasm. All I could think was, great...now you can go and visit little miss out-of-state instead of her coming to visit you all the time! So I told him that I was very happy for him. When I checked his MySpace, I discovered that little missy had said exactly the same thing, in her traditional misspelled, smiley-ridden fashion. Only she had meant it. *sigh*
    He said that he would probably call back later that night......he didn't. No doubt that "celebrating" with lil' miss thang kept him until the wee hours.
    By now, it's pretty obvious what I must do. I'm just really not looking forward to doing it. 

So, stressed and depressed, I headed to the outlet center in the mountains of east county. It's always been a pretty spiritual place for me. There, I bought 2 new CD's: Oingo Boingo - Dead Man's Party and Radiohead - Hail To The Thief. I also caught the 9:00 show in the courtyard and discovered that a 6" sandwich from Subway can hold me over...for about 2 hours. 

Returning home at about 10 pm, I changed and went for my nightly power walk. When I got home, I pretty much collapsed and fell asleep.
    Life seems pretty busy these days. Right now, I'm admittedly trying to make it that way on purpose, though I still do a fair amount of stressing/agonizing/obsessing over the current situation. With my sister's health and future at risk, I feel terribly selfish for worrying about something that seems so small in comparison.    I should try to focus a little more on her and a little less on...him.    And her. 

Oh my God! I just found about 3 hairs that were stretched beyond belief. All curled up, kinked and horribly damaged. Egad! How might that have happened?? Needless to say, they were cut out. 

Today, I discovered a very natural look using hardly any makeup at all. Concealer dotted on where needed and blended well. Just a liiiittle bit of loose powder all over, and lip balm. The latter isn't really "makeup," I guess. After that, I just shaped my brows and curled my lashes. Myself, only slightly better. I might get some clear mascara to complement everything else.

Anyway, I've yammered on enough, I think. After I drop my paycheck at the bank, I might go to the shore to watch the sun set. It's been awhile since I last did that.

Quote:

I've been doing exactly that, Tex. In a little while, I'll be ready and I will tell him. And lol @ "Mr. Clueless" - I got a good laugh out of that.  

Curlgirl: This experience may indeed be part of my rebirth. And I think you may be right about my knowing what I have to do and not being ready to do it. This drama has gone on for too long with too little payback to justify continuing it. As much as it sucks to have to pull the plug on a 2-year friendship, it appears that I have no other choice.    Every woman should know when it's time to walk away.

As for the sunset, it didn't happen.    I made it to the shores, but there seemed to be some sort of event in progress and there was nowhere to park. I circled the neighbourhood for awhile, hoping that a spot would come available, but it didn't happen. It didn't matter anyway because the sky was covered with clouds from a southern storm...so the sunset wouldn't have been visible anyway. Oh well.

Yesterday, my room got a good cleaning, including the ceiling fan, which I'm pretty sure hadn't been touched since the day it was installed.    My hair also got a good CWC, with Suave toasted vanilla & sugar conditioner and Pantene Full & Thick S&C. My scary toenails were cut and shaped to be ready for a fresh coat of black polish. I have also learned recently that salicylic acid does absolutely nothing for my skin.

So I tried out my new natural face yesterday afternoon, including the clear mascara that I bought on Friday. It works quite well - especially when I have to put myself together in a hurry.

Also, I tried out the Calgon vanilla swirl body spray that had been waiting for me in my armoire, but ugh! Not so great.    Rather than smelling like a grandma wearing cheap perfume for the rest of the season, I headed to the mall in search of a great autumnal fragrance. I ended up getting 3 new body sprays from Victoria's Secret...and learned that they had discontinued my favourite perfume of all time. R.I.P., Halo.    Guess I'll have to find a new favourite.

Mr. Clueless was back online last night. I presumed that to mean that little missy had left, and he said that she had - a long time ago. He also said that he'd fixed things with her, establishing that their relationship was a friendship only and LOL I'm being mauled by a hungry cat right now! Hang on...

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Ok, so they established that their relationship was just a friendship. Funny, but I thought that already had been established. And as much as I wish that I could just be happy with him, all I can think is that it's too late. Too much damage has been done and it's too late to make good on it now. He also doesn't understand why I'm upset and claims that he "didn't do anything." Oh really?? Because I would say that encouraging another girl's affections definitely counts as something. And ignoring the woman that you supposedly love while you disappear for days on end with some other girl...I'd say that counts for something as well. Oy! Why is it that men think that they never do anything wrong?
   Personally, I don't give a rip how "pure" his intentions may have been. While his feelings may have been true to me, his actions certainly haven't been. The bottom line is that he messed up, whether he sees it or not. And I cannot continue a relationship in which my trust has been violated and my respect for the person in question has been demolished. It really sux that it's come to this...that poor decisions on his part have crushed every ounce of potential that we once had. But that's life, I guess. No one ever said that life would be fair or easy.

Anyway, whoa, sorry for venting like that. I guess I felt that I had to clear the air. This drama has clouded my thoughts long enough, and I am finally beginning to realize where I stand. But enough of this heaviness...my toenails are in need of a great new pedicure to take them into fall.  

Well I fought for you
I fought too hard
To do it all again, babe
It's gone too far
You never needed me
You only wanted me around
It gets me down

There's been a change
Yeah there's been a change of heart
Said there's been a change
You push just a little too far
Made it just a little to hard
There's been a change of heart

I'll get over you
It won't take long
I've stood in your gallery
Seen what's hangin' from the wall
You were the moon and sun
You're just a loaded gun now
It gets me down

There's been a change
Yeah there's been a change of heart
I said there's been a change
You push just a little too far
Made it just a little to hard
There's been a change of heart

Oh yeah, oh boy
Looks like we finally reached the turning point
Oh me, oh my
Looks like it's time for me to kiss it goodbye
Yeah kiss it goodbye

There's been a change
Yeah there's been a change of heart
Said there's been a change
You push just a little too far
Made it just a little to hard
There's been a change of heart
    -Tom Petty And The Heartbreakers, Change Of Heart