Welcome, Tara! I'm sorry you're having problems, but I know if you hang around here, something is bound to work.
Quote: I think the closest thing I’ve gotten to even remotely being able to stand is Pantene Pro V, but after a few uses of it my hair gets way too gross and bogged down with what I was told is wax in the products, or so some hair woman told me. I haven’t yet researched this, but apparently there are waxes in LOTS of shampoos and conditioners out there and they build up on your hair and that’s why you have to switch every so often.
I'm surprised nobody else has mentioned this... You may want to consider a Clarifying shampoo for occasional use. It will break down and remove the gunk like that that even normal shampoos don't always remove(and sometimes, in fact, deposit!) ... It might help with the brittle ends too, as some people's hair cannot stand silicones. The -cones tend to build up and trap moisture out of the hair, leaving the outside shiny and pretty, but the inside, damaged, dry, and brittle. I can't think of any good clarifying shampoos off the top of my head (my hair's a cone-freak and can't do without it!) but I'm sure one of the other lords and ladies of the realm will take up my slack(I hope!)