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Angel Spun Ex Member	Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal Reply #210 - Sep 29^th, 2006 at 4:01pm ((((((((((((((Nan))))))))))))))) I know how you feel, believe me. It may not ever go away, but it does get better. Hang in there.
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nancyn28 Sapphire Offline Posts: 219 Albuquerque, New Mexico Gender:	Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal Reply #211 - Sep 29^th, 2006 at 6:33pm Angel- Thank you....
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Sakina

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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #212 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 2:33am

nancyn28 wrote on Sep 29^th, 2006 at 8:53am:

Sakina-
As far as yoga, I think I'm still too fat to do any of the poses properly--any suggestions?

I need to start reading again. Also, I will be returning to church on Sunday..I've gotta start making some sense out of this thing posing as my life.....

Thank you.

No such thing as being too fat to do the poses. It is best to start with a teacher who can help you with your alignment when you are just beginning a practice. There might be a Yoga for Round Bodies in your area-no skinny minis in that class.

I'm glad to hear that you are taking action to take care of yourself, that in and of itself will help you feel better.

I don't know this story verbatim, and maybe you've heard it before-its a Native American teaching story about 2 wolves.
Grandfather is telling his grandchild about the 2 wolves that live inside each of us. They are always fighting with eachother. One wolf is angry, hateful, feaful, mean. The other is loving, kind, compassionate and patient. The little one asks "Which wolf will win?" The answer is "The one you feed the most."

It is very powerful to be aware of our thoughts. Knowing their nature gives us the power to change them. It takes diligence and perseverance to change them, it can be done. Decide what kind of energy you want in your life and create it by replacing the negative or depressing thought with "I am (loving, lovable, loved, beautiful, a perfectly good human being, noticed & appreciated in the most positive ways-these are examples of some of what I use every day)" fill in the blank.

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Sakina
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Healthy hair is beautiful no matter what length it is.

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nancyn28

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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #213 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 3:51am

Well, let's see. My marriage is over. I can't sleep. I moved into the guest room, I have a terrible headache from crying all night....

Why am I crying? I've know it was over for a long time...but it's just hard to hear your other half agree.....finally......

I get to start looking for an apartment. I've never lived "alone"....although I won't be alone as I have a daughter....

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bikerbraid Shooting Star Offline Life is short, Break the rules Posts: 6569 Bike Paths of the Midwest Gender:	Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal Reply #214 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 10:01am Oh Nancy I feel so bad for you. This is obviously a very difficult time for you. I will keep you and your daughter in my thoughts and hope that all of this turns out for the best for you.
Back to top	bikerbraid Global Salon Moderator LongLocks HairSticks Boutique http://www.longlocks.com Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.&&Life may not IP Logged

Rainbow

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Jesus is my Lord and Saviour

Posts: 231
England
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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #215 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 11:29am

Honey if you are crying you are hurting. you have both excepted a break in the marrige, but thats whats marriage is about working at it not giing up when thing seem to look bad. The vowels you spoke at the alter they ment something. Most marriages with problems can easily be resolved.

Councelling is a great step to take, it will help you realse your prblems are maller than you thouht and whats more they can be resolved.

Most couples i councel always look to find fault in the oher before looking at themselfs. The woman will say im not loved ad appreciated and the man will say im not respected but do you do what you want to your patner e.g does he resect her does she appriciate him.

Most couples make big ideas out of small things. Always fiding fault in the other no matter how small. Even the worst marriages can be brougth back to that first love and go on to be elderly lovers.

Most of all you to bought life into this world she learns about marriage and family directly from you.

Dont give up there are lots of call centrs, books, people out there who can help. So many peole are in your position its what you do about it that will make you both stonge in love than ever before.

To be alone is to be half. To be together is to be one/whole, you choose to be whole for the rest of your life not alone. Be strong make it work.

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silvermayne Ruby Offline Posts: 76 Gender:	Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal Reply #216 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 12:30pm Nancy, My heart goes out to you. So sorry to hear of your pain. Know that you have friends here who care about you. Kathy
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Sakina

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August 2O1O @ the Louvre

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Arizona
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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #217 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 12:56pm

It is one thing to think that its over, another to take action. One step at a time will get you where you need to be. Cry your heart out and make room for new energy. You're crying for yourself, your daughter, your relationship, your ideas, your hopes and dreams. The end of a longterm relationship is like a death. All of the steps of grief apply. I don't know what its like to break up and have a child involved, maybe your church counselor can help you help her. Maybe the tension in the home is why she cut her hair.
I hope your split is amicable for Chyenne's sake (sp?).

You always have us to bounce ideas off of, get suggestions or to vent.

You are only alone if you choose to be.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

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Sakina
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Angel Spun

Ex Member

Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #218 - Sep 30^th, 2006 at 11:36pm

You are a child of God, Nan. You are never really alone.

As for the rest, all I can say is that I'm terribly sorry. It's a horrible thing for anyone to have to go through. God knows I've been there, too. But with acceptance comes independence and empowerment. You are your own special and wonderful person - never forget that!

If you ever want to talk, feel free to PM me anytime. I will certainly keep you in my prayers in this difficult time. Love and strength surround you. God bless.

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nancyn28

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Gender: female

Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #219 - Oct 1^st, 2006 at 12:49pm

Thank you everyone for you thoughts. I'm just so confused right now. Although in my head I feel that splitting is the right thing to do for my sanity if for nothing else, but my heart tells me differently. I kind feel like Amy Lee was in my head/heart when she wrote My Immortial....

I know I'm not happy and I don't feel love but am I being selfish wanting to be happy? I feel like I've made so many sacrifices and Michael has made very few....finances are a mess because if he wants it he gets it. There is not much else I can give up. I can give up my gym membership but it is the one thing that I do for me.....should I give it up? Should I give up any hope of ever really feeling loved and being happy to try to make it work? I have to admit, we really haven't tried but I don't think he really wants to.

He was working really hard at being "nice" to me.....but why did it take so much work. Should it not have come naturally? Physically he want's nothing to do with me...he's always on the computer (as am I, but this is why I found this place so I would have something to do too.) and his car is the "other woman"....

I just don't know what to do. I want to do the right thing, but what is the right thing? I guess I just have to put it in God's hands and pray for His will.....

More than anything I want Michael and Cheyenne to be happy. So what if I'm not. It's never mattered before, why should it matter now? 33 is a little old to start becoming selfish, you think?

And I have such trust issues. He knows it and he knows I have very good reasons to have trust issues, yet he has this secret life of his. Can I live the rest of my life always wondering and competing with the unknown? I don't think so. And I don't think that he could do anything to make me completely and totally trust him....there is just too much in the past. Lack of trust is not fair to him when/if he's not doing anything wrong ( but if that is the case why is everyting such a secret? He never lets me see his computer screen, always text messages people on the phone....) and it's not fair to me either way. I'm tired of always being tired. When I go to bed he stays up on his computer and/or phone all night long and I get up about 6 times to "check up" on him...not that I ever find anything out but still.....

I feel like a terrible person. A selfish child.

His mother is freaking out. I can't bring myself to tell my sister. My friends think the separation was long overdue.....

I guess I need to find out what he really wants to do for him.....

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Rainbow

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Jesus is my Lord and Saviour

Posts: 231
England
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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #220 - Oct 1^st, 2006 at 1:20pm

You.need.to.speak.to.your.Pastor.as.this.is.not.
something.you.can.pray.with.and.deal.with.on.
your.own.

In.the.bible.it.says.what.God.has.joined.together.
let.not.man.seperate.

Let.not.the.enemy.bring.division.for.God.has.a.
plan.and.a.purpose.for.your.life.

If.your.husband.is.not.a.christian(or.whatever.faith.you.are).this.may.be.a.
difficult.time.for.you.but..you.need.to.seek.
the.advice.of.a.Pastor.or.someone.who.is.
married.who.will.give.you.good.christian.advice.

If.your.husband.is.of.the.same.belief.you.need.
to.seek.marrige.guidance.and.councelling.You.are.
not.divorsed.yet.you.can.still.allow.God.to.turn.
this.around.

Please,please,seek.your.Pastor.or.other.mentor.
for.advice.as.a.couple.or.if.not.by.yourself.

The.problems.you.mention.can.be.so.easily.
turned.around.These.are.not.major.problems.
All.it.takes.is.understanding.and.prayer.These.
are.common.problems.most.couples.face.e.g.
1.too.long.at.computer.or.t.v.or.
2.spending.too.much.time.on.hobbies.
3.not.being.completly.open.
4.finances.
are.all.COMMON.problems.
please.dont.think.this.is.the.end.of.the.world.

You.both.have.to.be.willing.to.change.not.
change.one.another.be.blessed.for.God.said.
you.shall.be.blessed.when.you.go.in.and.
blessed.when.you.go.out.keep.speaking.
positive.things.over.your.marrige.for.the,
power.of.life.and.death.is.in.the.power.
of.the.tounge.

I.will.be.praying.for.you.as.im.sure.most.
others.will.be.too.dont.fear.for.God.did.
not.give.you.a.spirit.of.fear.but.of.peace.
love.and.a.sound.mind.

Be.anxious.for.nothing.but.with.prayer.and.
supplication.make.your.reequest.know.to.God

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bikerbraid

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rules

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Bike Paths of the Midwest
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Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #221 - Oct 1^st, 2006 at 1:26pm

Situations like this always make you want to second guess yourself. But you must do what you think is right. A marriage does require sacrifices but not always from the same person. How does Michael feel about the separation? Have you tried or considered couples counseling? Do you both feel the relationship is beyond repair?

I hope you all can find the right path and be happy again.

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bikerbraid
Global Salon Moderator
LongLocks HairSticks Boutique
http://www.longlocks.com
Life is short, Break the rules, Forgive quickly, Kiss slowly, Love truly, Laugh uncontrollably, And never regret anything that made you smile.&&Life may not

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nancyn28

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Albuquerque, New Mexico
Gender: female

Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #222 - Oct 2^nd, 2006 at 10:06pm

Well, I'd like to thank everyone for the thoughts. As of now, things are stable. We've agreed that we'll be separated but living in the same house until at least January (gotta get through the holidays for the child) and that we will work on communication. Regardless as to whether we choose to stay married, we have to communicate. At this point he has refinanced the house and all our debt with the exception of my car payment into one payment in his name only (provided the financing really goes thorugh). I am safe as I am still on the deed until which time a judge or lawyer tell me to sign the paperwork to sign everything over to him.

Anyone who prays, please continue to do so that I know that His will is.....

He understands that anger will come into play and I might not be quit so nice....he seems cool with the fact that I don't trust him and probably never will. I assume that a divorce is probably going to be the next step but I have to try I guess.

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Rainbow

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Jesus is my Lord and Saviour

Posts: 231
England
Gender: female

Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #223 - Oct 3^rd, 2006 at 5:35am

HOLD-ON,

JUST.WHY.ARE.YOU.SIGNING.THE.HOUSE.OVER.
TO.HIM.BEFORE.A.DIVORSE?

I.excuse.me.if.i.seem.rude.but.that.dosnt.sound.
right.i.would.not.sign.over.anything.until.the.divorse.
and.then.negosiate.for.half.

I.have.a.law.degree.and.i.understand.that.even.if.you.
did.not.contribute.a.penny.to.the.house.you.are.still.
entitled.to.half.in.America.and.a.percentage.in.the.UK

Just.a.thought

Dont.take.your.name.off.that.deed.or.sign.
anything.
you.have.not.read.throughly.until.you.
know.your.rights.

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Angel Spun

Ex Member

Re: NancyN28'2 Hair Journal
Reply #224 - Oct 3^rd, 2006 at 1:22pm

((((((((((((((Nan)))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. God knows the things I've had to deal with...and it pains me to see another woman, a sister, in any similar situation.

What I can tell you from experience is trust your instincts. If you feel that you can't trust him, there's a reason for it. Probably many. Do NOT blame yourself for things that he's done in the past that have caused you to feel this way. It's a natural response.

As for his computer habits...he's a guy, honey. What do you think he's doing on there? This and his texting and whatever else have roused your suspicions for a reason - they're suspicious behaviours! If this is your first time dealing with any of this, then you have my pity. Unfortunately, we all have to learn sometime.

Also, I feel bad for Cheyenne and the experience that awaits her. It's an awful thing when parents divorce...but she's young and will have more time to adjust. It's better if it happens when kids are young. It's also better if it happens quickly.
My mother's parents went through quite an ordeal while they were divorcing - it actually took several years to finalize. They separated, reconciled, separated again and divorced. There were other lovers and all sorts of legal red tape. It was not pretty, and their children witnessed everything. To this day, my mother harbours a mess of psychological problems within herself...several of which come out inevitably.
Your choices will affect Cheyenne's future - so if divorce is what you choose, do try to make it as swift and simple a transition as possible.

First and foremost, however, I suggest discussing the matter with your husband. Find out where he stands on the whole marriage issue. Does he wish it to continue? Does he wish it to end? The problem is not going to go away, so ignoring it won't help him. It has to be addressed.

If it turns out that both of you are willing to try & save the marriage, then counseling may be your best option. And it's going to require effort from both of you.

Quote:

It's never mattered before, why should it matter now? 33 is a little old to start becoming selfish, you think?

If it's never mattered before, then that's exactly why it should matter now. It isn't selfish to put yourself and your own needs first once in awhile. Especially in these situations. Selfish is putting yourself & your needs first all the time!

More than anything, you need to think about Cheyenne. It will be far more damaging to her to live in a house with unhappy parents than to live in 2 different places with parents who can live and function normally.
You need to put her first. Then yourself. Just promise me that you won't continue to live like this. No one deserves to.

I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

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