And also, to show the color change from dyed to not dyed...



Rather obvious, eh?

K,  I have been very behind with journals.  I has read one poem before and just read your latest.  They are beautiful.  Please keep them coming!!!  You were 15 when you wrote the last one you say...wow...you are too cool

I see slashing came up while I was gone.  I never thought I would see that converstion outside of the hospital.  I too was/am a slasher.  When asked why I do it, the best I can tell someone that it is a pain I can control, unlike the 'cancer' in my soul that mental illness causes.  I carved help in my arm with a scalpel 6 years ago.  Having spent 6 months trying to admit myself to hospital...they finally let me in at that point.  The scar is faint having used a scalpel...but it runs from my elbow to my shoulder and each letter is at least 2 inches in size.  I am fortunate.  You can only read what the scar says if you know what it says...until then it just looks like a scar. 

I think this is the first time I have really called myself a slasher.  I knew I cut and all...but the first time I was in hospital I saw a young girl who had scars (about 3 mm wide and at least 2 inches long) over every part of her body...and I do mean every part.  Being in a mental hospital is not like a regular hospital.  We shower in a shower area that is like a gym shower...no curtains and 10 showers totally open.  There is no privacy there.  Nurses even watch you when you pee or poo.  Well, I should correct that.  A new hospital was just built and there you do have 4 showers per floor (2 for men and 2 for women) that you can be alone in and do your business in alone.  The nurses can watch if needed but now those of us that are not considered a high risk can have privacy.

Ugh, I could tell you a lot about the hospital and how terrible it is...but that would have to be in my own journal.

K, have you thought about an UV light?  They help with the hard winters of darkness we have.  I have 2, one here and one at work.  Hard to believe that as of tomorrow I have to use them until the end of March.  They are not cheap (ugly as heck and about $400 each) but they do help.  I feel your wow with the winter coming. 

Hang in there and remember...you are not alone...many people have mental health issues...very few will fess up to it though so those of us who have it can feel very alone and outcast.  I think of it as a cancer of the soul...and like all cancers it is painful and life threatening if not treated.  Like cancer, there is no cure.  Unlike cancer, there is a lot of help...just no understanding from most of the world.

Take care and know that about 3/5 of us that read this have some level of mental illness...whether it is admitted or not.

JD

*hugs JD* Thanks. That's all I have to say. Thanks.

my scars are almost all on my upper arms - I think of it as, if I hadn't cut there, it would have been farther down and deeper, so it was the best of my options.  Quite a few of them have faded to the point that they're invisible, at one point, my left arm looked like crosshatchings. Now, only the deepest, most extreme show, except for one that was on the inside of my arm, but kept getting broken open and stretched whenever I moved my arm... Oddly enough that's one of the shallowest, least severe original wounds, and the one scar that catches people's attention.
It's funny, I've been known to come up with off the wall stories about how I recieved them, when dealing with nosy people who I frankly, don't want to know my history.
"bears." "well, I learned that feeding goats cheese is a bad Idea, anyway." "that's why you're not supposed to feed them after midnight..."
I managed to convince my mother not to hospitalize me, mainly because I told her of my own free will, and had gotten it under control before I did so. It was a close call, though, and I'm quite thankful I managed it. I can't imagine how such an environment would IMPROVE someone's mental health... I know for me, any sort of imprisonment, or seeming of such, would cause so much anxiety and depression that I'd end up having to be heavily sedated.
unfortunately, I don't have the money for a UV light, but on the flip side, Louisiana, at least my part, is almost tropical for 9 months of the year, so there's plenty of strong sunlight until sometime around november. I noticed last year that I didn't get as bad as usual, and it didn't last as long. I think this is the one place, besides florida, that I'm ... healthier, I guess. Then again, you're in canada, right? I can't imagine trying to stay sane through those winters... I lived two winters in Maine, and It was... not fun. even as a kid, when I was "normal" it was bad.
*well, I guess I had more to say on that, after all, eh?
As for the clothes, they're QUITE pretty but I'm going to look at the Sofi's Stitches items at the Ren Faire this fall, and see what I think.. Plus it will be easier to get Paul to buy me something, if he sees me in the cute little Irish Dress, with the pleading puppy eyes... hehehehe. he's really quite easy to work with, once I figured out how.
AANYWAY.......
As for hair things, I got CUTE new leather hair slide from the LHL swap spot, it's perfect for a simple ponytail, or a tucked under braid, so I assume it'll be good for a half up bun, or my patented "Kiraela's pretzel bun" I'll post pictures of it and instructions when I find the camera. I'll also put up a photo or two of the pretty hair slide. It's black leather with a pair of flowers, and quite like the one I had a few years ago, that was caught in the house fire. GRR@ old landlord, at Chloe, of LHL, for giving me this one. I'm truly loving this... I didn't realize just how much I missed mine until I put this one in my hair. Of course, It took me two weeks to get it, not due to the post office, but due to the fact that every day "we need to go to the post office".. "okay hon"... seven hours later, the PO has closed, me: GRRR. next day, same crap.
Frankly, it's enough to make a girl need some valerian root.
Anyway, though, I did an evoo a few days ago. I'm quite sure I put about a million times too much in, but it came out well. it took three shampooings to remove most of the oil, but... well, that's the price of experimentation, right? My hair's silky enough that it made up for it.
oooohh, long hair sighting. I'm also going to post this in the "brushes with long hair" section, but... I have to say, I yesterday, I had a new record for "longest, prettiest hair I've ever seen in real life"... we were at the bank cashing a check from a customer, well, paul was inside, I was babysitting the truck.  Anyway, this woman in a red shirt and black slacks came out, with her SUPERLONG hair waving behind her. It was in a half up, and natural color, with grey streaks over a light brown/red color... I wasn't sure how long it actually was, although waving in the wind, it came down past her knees. Paul was behind her in line and told me it was ankle length, and healthy as can be. WOW. Whoever she is, I wish her luck and happiness.
Actually, when I saw her I was quite tempted to run after her and thank her for having such long pretty hair, but then I figured she'd probably think I was nuts. It would almost have been worth it, except that the bank is in a less than good part of town, and we can't shut the truck off... walking home would suck.
Oh yeah, I've got an ebay listing up, for another chain mail necklace, this time under my own account! my first (hopeful ) sale! it's under "kiraela" as the seller name (yeah, i know, original, right?) but we ended up fighting with paypal, ebay, the bank, for half the day trying to get it all set up...  I ended up giving up on my own paypal account, for now, and am using Paul's until the bank, paypal, and ebay can all get their heads out of their arses... anyway, yeah, I've discovered a slight hitch in my "get a state ID" plan.. I ranted about it else where so I won't do so again. At least i can list things on ebay freely, under my own name, now. I guess that's a good thing. I hope to get the chain belt up in a few days. first: pics!
also : I've managed to use every single character I'm allowed, including this.

I've decided that I shall post one poem a week, probably on monday, until I run out of ones I consider acceptable to the general public... I'm not posting all 200, certainly! most aren't good enough, but I think I have enough for a year, maybe.
No, I havent looked Lady MacSnood's dresses yet, I shall go do that now.. more pretties I can't get, I'm sure, but... eh. Still worth a look.