ReallyREALLYReally BAD Hair Jokes
Don't blame me, I didn't write 'em!
Trying to control my dry hair, I treated my scalp with olive oil before washing it. Worried that the oil might leave an odor, I washed my hair several times. That night when I went to bed, I leaned over to my husband and asked, "Do I smell like olive oil?"
"No," he said, sniffing me. "Do I smell like Popeye?"
How do witches keep their hair in place while flying?
With scare spray.
How does the barber cut the moon's hair?
Eclipse it.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they have honeycombs.
"Middle age is when a woman's hair begins to turn from gray to brown."
Then there was the man who got in legal trouble for stepping over Rapunzel's hair, which trailed on the floor. He was arrested for tresspassing.
There were three boys deciding which color of suit they should wear to Prom. The first boy said, "Let's decide by following the color of our dad's hair. My dad's hair is black, so I'm wearing black."
The second boy said, "My dad's hair's white, so I'm going to wear white."
The third boy said, "Boy, am I glad we decided to do this, now I don't have to decide!"
"Why?" the other two boys asked.
"Because my father doesn't have hair!"
A man went in to a bar, sat down and ordered a drink. Because it was early, there was no one else around except the bartender. The man reached for the pretzels and as he started to eat one he heard, "Hey, pssst, nice pants!"
"Did you say something?" he said to the bartender.
"No."
"Hmmm, maybe I'm hearing things," he thought.
He started eating the pretzels again and heard, "Psst, hey! Nice shirt!"
"You said something, didn't you?" he said to the bartender.
"No, I didn't. What are you talking about?"
"Nevermind." He went back to the pretzels, looking around warily from side to side. Then he heard it again.
"Psst! Nice haircut!"
"All right, that's it!" the man said, jumping up. "Someone keeps saying things like, 'Nice hair,' and I *know* I'm not going crazy!"
"Oh!" said the bartender. "I know what that is! It's the pretzels! They're complimentary!"
Why did the hairdresser put lipstick on her head?
Because she was trying to make up her mind.
(submitted by Ann Sarich)
One of our long-time customers, Sher Pond, sent us this note on one of her more creative days:
I'm a little loopy after receiving my last shipment of LongLocks HairSticks--wow! Here is a little "Ode to My Hairsticks" that I penned for fun. I'm a little disturbed, I know! But oh, what sweet insanity! Tee hee!
"An Ode to my Hairsticks"
Oh magnificent hairsticks
my love and my bane
I try to resist you
I struggle in vain
You shimmer and sparkle
so precious, so bright
You're uttlerly captivating
wands of light
A princess am I
No! A queen!
adorned with your radiance
I glisten! I gleam!
Unique as you are
each stick like no other
my desire knows no end
I must have another!
One thing is certain
oh hairsticks my friends
this passion I have for you
never will end!
And yet another of our favorite customers, Shannan Arney, has graced us with some of her fabulous (not to mention very flattering) original poetry! Thank you Shannan!
"Confessions of a Hair Stick Junkie"
O those sticks are so perfect,
Their colors sublime,
I shiver, I twitch, I reach for my card,
I simply must make them mine!
The crystals do beckon
With their shimmery light.
It's never even a question,
It's the urge I cannot fight.
Hand-made lamp-work beads,
Exquisite examples of the craft,
I can't pass those up!
I'd have to be daft!
My collection is growing,
My precious, perfect jewels.
If it says "Long Locks",
It rules!
My hair is my vanity,
My hair sticks my delight,
Every single design
Is executed exactly right.
Susan's a genius,
You simply must agree.
Take a look at her wares,
Go look, go see!
Every design's a treasure,
I can never pass them by.
My Visa's filed a restraining order,
But it'll do as I say or die!
O those sticks are so perfect,
Susan, I bow to thee.
My joy is so boundless
When First Editions come to me!
Despite being cursed with *really* bad hair as a child,
I had my heart set on being the first topless ballerina
to take top honors at Wimbeldon and
win the Academy Award for Best Dramatic Actress.
In my family, I'm the normal one.
Have a hair joke you'd like to share?
Send it to us and we'll be happy to consider it for Hair Schtick!
We won't post anything worse than PG rated
but we'll read anything (except blonde jokes). |
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