Hey, welcome to the world of journals! It's okay to talk about your preferred products, we actually do it all the time!  I'm sorry you're sick. I'm glad that long hair has made you want to be healthier though. Not pushing, but you really should consider quitting smoking. Not only is it dangerous to you, but to your furniture! I can't tell you the number of sheets and pillowcases that have burned holes in them because my guy dropped a lit ciggarette on it.  Including the satin pillowcase i spent three days making.
anyway.
I hope the new meds they put you on help more than the last ones did, and that you continue to enjoy your time here, and your hair. if you ever decide to put pictures of your hair on here, I'd love to see them.

Best wishes for health and hair,
Kiraela

Well, I have started using the recipes on the threads.  Today I tried Lisebelles recipe for avacado, cocunut milk and EEVO.  It worked well.  I want to try Curlygirls recipe too...she has such nice shiney hair.  Both are found under the recipes threads.  If you have trouble finding, let me know.

This reminds me...for those who did not know...I have started a thread for food recipes for quick, easy and healthy food.  If you cannot find it, let me know...to be honest...at this second I cannot think where it is or I would tell you.

So, I have decided...I am going to grow my hair to my.........well classical length and then (I know...terrible) chop it off for the people who need wigs for cancer.  I KNOW you all think the cause is good.  I just know the idea of cutting it off is terrible.  But if I wait to do it once my hair is bottom length...I will still have some length since they need 12 inches.  Hey, could be one of you or myself I am donating to.  Would you rather have a wig or be bald.  I would like a wig...if I had to.  I have a friend who does this...oriental...most beautiful hair I have EVER seen.

I cannot give blood because I am always anemic, the meds I am on and I am AB + which helps very few.  I can give my hair to a woman in need.  No, it will not save a live...but maybe a womans self esteem....so if any of you Long Haired Beauties ever decide to cut it off...don't let it go to waste in you hairdressers garbage...give it to people who make wigs for cancer patients.

Thanks for the info about the charities and what they do with the hair.  I will make sure I do my research well.  LOL, I have 3 or so years to do that.  I think I can fit it in.   

Well, so much for my plans to donate hair to cancer patients!!!  Your hair can only be a maximum of 5% grey (and I am completely grey) and you cannot color your hair (which I do because I am completely grey).  Oh well.  I guess I will just grow it for me then!!

Not much news on the hair front except that it does seem to be getting slightly healthier due to the advice, recipes and helpful hints I get from people here and it has only been 2 weeks since I joined.  I cannot wait to see you my hair is in 2 months!!

On the life side, I checked my weight today and have dropped some despite not dieting or excercising as I was ill.  I guess being ill reduced my eating!!  I also started back on my running today.  It seems so sad that I can only do 2 minutes run and one minute walk five times after being able to run 10 k just 6 months ago.  Oh well, as the weight comes of and I regain my health after being sick for so long...it should come back to me by the end of the summer.

I have decided that once I lose the next 10 lbs, I am going to treat myself to a dermal abrasion treatment and take on the task of quiting smoking.  That will get me out there running and biking...speaking of which...I should pick up my bike from the city.

When I am going to shampoo, first I apply conditioner to the ends from ears down.  Apply shampoo, rinse and then apply about 1 teaspoon of conditioner on top, which I distribute by running my fingers through my hair.  Then I rinse most of the conditioner out.  However, I add the 2nd application of conditioner only if my hair feels like it needs it.  Most of the time it does, but sometimes not.

Good Luck!

Ugh, bad day today with the disease and it is only 9:30 am.  Had a terrible night sleep...nightmares all night...waking me up in a sweat.  Was wide awake early but had no desire to get out of bed and face the day.  It is one of those days where nothing seems right or good enough.  You know the days where everything you look at has fault with it and it all seems too much to fix.  It is a shame since it is a beautiful day out.  

I recieved a new OHIP (health insurance card for those of you in other countries) card with my pic on it.  Good God, do I really have to live with it for the next 5 years?  I look like the Good Year Blimp.  That said, I know I really do look that bad with the 40 lbs I have put on.  I know what you are going to say, don't complain and do something about it.  I am trying.  Once I am done this, I am going for a run (or what passes as one - can only do about 1k compared to the 10k I was doing a year ago when I was fit).  Its just the me I knew just  8 months ago seems so far away that she will never come back.  Sigh.  I know that is not the case.  

As for my hair, it is greasy today.  I have never had greasy hair before.  I think I put too much jojoba oil on last night.  I guess I will try a vinegar rinse and a light condition.  I don't really want to wash it properly today since I have had to wash it every day for the past week due to the psoriasis and that shampoo is sooooo harsh.  I want to jump in the shower right now and wash it out...but there is no point until I have been out running.  

Well, I guess I should stop wallowing and start doing.  I think I will feel better about the house once I vacuum (5 animals leave sooo much fur around on my pale carpets), then I will run, shower and maybe go to my favorite health food store (which also sells produce) and think about my menu of healthy food for the week.

God I miss work.  I will be soooo glad when I am well enough to go back.  I miss the work and I miss my colleagues.  I do not miss getting up at 4 am though!!

Thanx for tolerating my whine.  I think writing it out helps put things in context for me.  I can't fix my world in a day, but at least I can do something to make the day worth while.  

I had no idea they were still handing out the photo OHIP cards?  I still have my nasty red and white one. Strange eh?

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That's our goverment for ya'.  The left hand doesn't know what the right hand is doing.

Ok, I am going crazy here.  I am desperately trying to change my photo of the little dog to a photo of my Joey (hence the screen name).  I have spent about 30 minutes trying...any help would be appreciated!!!!

So, I am declaring war on my psoriasis, now I am off the meds that made it so bad.  I am slopping cream on the patches on my skin and living with greasy hair as I use the oil with corticosteroids added prescribed to me.  Them there are the terrible shampoo sessions with tar shampoo.  Yuk.  Still, I will live with greasy hair and stuff for two weeks if I can beat this flaking and itching out of my life!!

Actually, while the shampoo is nasty and I have not liked the oil stuff because of the greasy hair, I have found that using and AVC rinse takes away the greasiness and my hair ends up looking great once shampooed...until I grease again, which is pretty much as soon as it dries.  I have to oil it twice a day and leave it in for 12 hours.  Once a day I use the tar shampoo after an AVC rinse.  Sooo, while it makes my hair very greasy...I am trying to find out what the oil is that they use as a carrier.  I have not had any luck yet but have contacted the company to find out...since some of you might want to try it...if you can tolerate washing out after a night in a shower cap.  I find it works better than anything I use for soft, shiney hair, even if it is medicinal (sp?).

I bought a new boar bristle palm brush today to keep in my purse once I go to work again.  I hate it.  It is too soft even for my fine hair.  Oh well, live and learn I guess.

I have a really nice wide tooth comb from Burt Bees and I have been looking to buy another one to keep at work since I usually run at lunch and then shower at work.  Sadly, it seems it was a promotional thing and I have not been able to find anything like it since.  I am open to suggestions from anyone.

Tomorrow I get back to the diet.  I wish I could magically lose at least half of it by the time I go back to work.  I suppose I could if I used a fad diet but I don't do those.  I would only pack it back on again if I did that.

Tomorrow I am at the folks (delayed today due to rain as they wanted me to BBQ for them and do some chain sawing) and will ask mom to measure my hair.  I cannot do it alone. 

Have a great weekend folks.

Thanx for your response Curly.  I guess I need one for each....I did not know it made a difference to be honest.  How come?

Ric the comb maker?  Is there a website I should link into?

Funny you should mention the Body Shop.  I was just on their website.  Guess I will go back and have a look.  Thanx.

Hey, I'm glad you're getting to go back to work! Also that you managed to get the avatar to work, that is one seriously pretty pup. Is he a border collie?

I have a question for you people that are wiser than me with hair.  I could not find an appropriate place to put this...so here it is in my journal.

If any of you have read my last couple of entries, you know I have to lie with greasy hair, 24/7 for probably 2 weeks.  It is already driving me nuts so I have used a scrunchy to tie it up in a ponytail/bun.  I don't want this grease on my face and clothes for the next 2 weeks!!!  So, the question is...do any of you wash your scrunchies and how does it work out with the elastic.  I presume cold water to save the elastic.

And as a complete aside, how do I get the oil off my keys on my key board?  Gawd this stinks!!!

Cute Joey Dog!!  I had a dog as a kid that looked a lot like Joey, brought back happy memories.

Love the tiger-did you pet him?  I've always wondered how their hair compares to a domestic cat's.

***super good secret alert***

My secret for getting oil out of anything (fabric and off skin) is....

water and baking soda

Impressive, eh??

I don't measure it, just throw it into the wash machine along with the detergent and then add the clothes.  I think you could add your scruchies and just let 'em air dry.
Mix some warm water and baking soda and wash your face if you get the oil on it.  I've never used it on my face, I don't know if you'll need to use your regular cleanser after but I'm sure you'll want to moisturize.

Let us know how it goes!!!!

Well, I will tell you a secret Sakina, yes I did pet him...but I should not have been allowed.  He was behind glass in the photo but because my friend was soooo interested in them (there is a white too...I will post pic later if you are interested) and told them she was with a vet who worked with exotics...although never this exotic, they asked me if I would like to go back and meet him!!!  There were lots of rules and I actually met him in water!!  It was sooooo cool.  And their fur is much rougher than our little pets.  Gawd he was nice.  I had to feed him a steak first!!!  How cool is that!!!

Thanx sooo much for the baking soda thing.  I have actually used baking soda on my face.  I do gycolic acid peels and use baking soda to neutralize the acid.  Yes, I would say moisturize really well after.

I will try it on the scrunchies...and to be honest I use it on my running/wicking outfits that have to be done in cold water...so it would make sense.

I am glad my Joey brought you happy memories.  Hopefully no tears though!!!  Gawd losing them is hard.

Pretty kitty!  We have a friend in Tweed, Ont who has a zoo with tigers, lions, wolves, a Kodiak bear who is such a sweet heart! and many other critters.  When the lions were cubs we use to go into the pen and play with them! There star was a camel named Haji, he died a few years ago.  I got to pet and feed him, what a big suck!  The bear liked hubby very much, at that time hubby had a beard, a nice thick red beard (sigh!)  Well we where sitting next to the bears enclosuer and the bear was right next to us when his tounge, of which is about a foot long!  Licked hubby from ear to ear! It goes without saying these animals are very tame, most were rescues.  The bear was from a zoo out west that closed down amd just left him there.  The tiger was a retired film star and others were saved from varoius bad situations.  Neat place!

Here we go, a pic of my favorite part of my trip.  I got to swim with this guy for an hour while I was in the DR.  It was GREAT.  It was something I had always wanted to do.  There was a second one in the pool and they were my foot boards for water skiing.  It was great.  I have the whole thing on video too.



And I finally got the pic the right size!!

I completely forgot the photo.  It has been a long day but I am happy to say the my garage is completely dry walled and the first coat of mud is done.  Tomorrow is mudding and sanding, and when that is done, how ever many coats and days it takes, I spend a day putting up shelves, then a day spray painting the lot...then putting 6 inches of rubber up the walls so I can still hose out my garage...and then putting everything away.  Hopefully it will all be done in 5-7 days.  But today was the worst day in terms of physical labour...so I am glad it is done.

Of course, after the work I showered and did...and I have decided I am not doing the greasy psoriasis treatment tonight...just putting it up in a pony tail and going to bed....exhausted, and tomorrow promises to be another really long day in my hot, humid garage...but it will be worth it...and it is an investment in my house...and good practice for when I finish my basement (gawd, too much to think of right now).

Sweet dreams all.

J-dog, those tiger pix are beautiful. I pet a tiger when I was little, because my uncle was the tiger handler for that zoo.  In high school I got to hold a lion cub in Egypt. He was heavier than a lab, and had huge paws, but very sweet and sleepy when I held him. I love big animals.
For hubby's birthday I just bought him "Planet earth", the series done by BBC about land animals and climates. It's fantastic footage, and lots of lions, tigers, and polar bears.

Roomtogrow,

I agree it would be hard to cut it all off.  I had planned on doing that once I had grown mine but apparently my hair in not suitable.  I am rather sorry.  While it is a quest to grow long hair, I cannot imagine ending up bald one day because of cancer...I would want a wig for sure!!!

I think I also thought of it because I cannot give blood and I would like to do something to help people....guess I will have to keep trying to come up with ideas.

K, those are some great ideas.  In the past I have volunteered at hospitals and done everything from 20 hours a week of doing laundry (not pleasant I can tell you, but needed) to taking the real Joey in as a Canine Good Citizen to visit alzhiemer patient...like music therapy, Joey did them a lot of good.  I cannot pend too much time away from my dogs once I am back at work, since I am out a good 14 hours a day with work, but you got me thinking that once I have a new dog (not that I want that at all, but Joey is not long for this world) maybe I can spend a year training him, get him through the Canine Good Citizen exam and get him to a hospital near by.  I will ponder that.

I have over done it this week.  Trying to hard to be well again.  I had to take today off from the chores I set myself.  I woke up around 7, took care of the animals and sat in bed drinking coffee and reading until 10 when I went to pick up a package that was sent to me.  It was my new wood combs from Ric the Combmaker.  THEY ARE GREAT.  I love them.  Thank you Curly for suggesting them to me.  Now I just have to figure out where to get a colloid comb for when my hair is wet.

When I got home I did an ACV rinse and washed my hair.  Thank God tomorrow is the last day of greasy hair in the battle against my psoriasis.  It seems to be gone on my scalp.  Still battling a couple of spots on the body, but a combo of the meds and coconut oil seems to be getting rid of it...whereas the meds alone did not seem to.  That said, it may also be because I am off the meds that made my psoriasis worse...couldn't say with scientific certainty.

After that, I kinda did nothing all day.  What can I say?  I needed it.  Still tired, but hoping tomorrow I will feel alive again.

I have a question about cleaning a brush I have.  Now, pls nobody yell at me!!  Remember I inherited this brush and it is 200 years old!!!  I do not advocate this type of thing.  It is a vanity set brush like you see the woman in old movies using.  Here is why you might freak...the backing is made of tortoise shell (ducking).  The backing and the brush part are held together with good silver.  I suspect the bristles are made of boar hair.  I have had it for about 10 years and never used it...but I tried it about 2 months ago and discovered it was the best brush I had ever used.  It is perfect for my hair...but if I use it, I must clean it...and I am worried about damaging it.  When I clean the silver every month, I have to oil the tortiose shell.  I am not worried about the silver, just the shell.  Any suggestions?

Well, better run. Time to eat.  Tired still.

K,

Thanx, it is actually beautiful.  It does not have a comb, but it has the mirror and a tray to put the brush and mirror on.  They all match.  I know they  must be worth a small fortune...which is the other reason I want to figure out a safe way to clean the brush before  use it to much.  After all, they are old, in perfect condition and being made of tortoise shell (which has been illegal for over 50 years due to the endangered species thing).  It is dark brown because of the shell, but matches my mahogonay bedroom really well.  Maybe I will take a photo of it to show people.

BTW, I am mad at me for not washing my hair until 9 pm when I am tired because I wanted clean towels and turbie twists.  Now I have to stay up 2 hours before I can oil my hair (tonight is jojoba oil...I alternate).  Grr, since I am up at 6 tomorrow.  Silly me!!!  What we do for our hair!!!

JD

I saw something today that I have to tell you all about.  I thought it was adorable.  First I have to set the scene though, especially for those of you that do not live in Canada.

I live in the country.  The nearest convenience store (which is so terrible I will not buy a thing there) is 6 km away.  After that...I have to go 20 km in to town.  Now, in town (not the city, town) we have a big box grocery store.  Here in Canada, these stores set up a garden center at this time of year which is always close to an island of grass.  Now the scene is set.

So, today I go to get some groceries from the big box store, and as I drive in, I see a guy tying up his horse next to the garden center.  I assumed it was for some publicity thing.  I resisted all urges to buy carrots for the horse while I was in the store (having owned horses myself...in the past  .  wish I still did).  So, when I came out of the store, I just had to look back at the horse and there was the guy loading his saddle bags with groceries!!!  And I watched him ride out!!!  Over 30 years of living in the country I have never seen that.  When I had horses I would ride to the convenience store and I see that with my crumby little store here...but this was something I had never seen before....SO GREEN WITH ENVY.  Want to have a horse to ride there myself!!!   Well, if kids aren't in my future, maybe having my own horse again is.  OHH I hope so.  One day I will tell you all why I have nothing to do with horses...think alchoholic or gambler...just with horses.

Just thought I would share that with you all.  Sure says something for the environmentally friendly, doesn't it!!!

LOL, I have to admit, he was not THAT cute, but he was wearing a cowboy hat!!!  And he was not hard to look at...to be honest...Darn, should have bought the carrots now I think about it!!!  He would have cursed me though...feeding animals with a bit in their mouths makes for a lot of work...but then again, maybe I would have been cute enough to put up with it?  Blonde, blue and 5'2 as my hubby used to say.  Ok, forget it.  Got too fat.  Catch me in a few months though!!!

This is for our site founder Susan,


As a small part of my disease, I suffer from agoraphobia.  I am lucky...when I am well I can get to my little office (at 6:30 am) and I do not have to see people.  When I do have to deal with people because of my work...well, I have a prescription for valium...at a high dose.

Today I had to see over 4 couples...in my home...stunning for me...that is a year supply for me.

The first thing after a hug from the women was them touching my hair and telling me how shiney and beautiful it was.  Now I am not quite BSL, but these woman know that my meds...well sorry to be tactless...screw my hair.

The first thing they all asked me was what products I was using for my hair because it was so 'long and beatulfri;' some my meds do seriously mess with my hair ( 3 years ago I had to chop it to about 1 inch because the meds made it like straw).  Now, thanx to this site I am using the recipes that YOU, the members of this site give me....coconut, avacado, aloe, jojoba oil, cocnout oil, cocoa oil, etc... and my friends think that my hair is a whole lot better than theirs.  YOU the members have helped me find things for my hair that I can afford and do much better than anything I have bought before.


I thank you all for what you have told me...and will continue to learn...but most of all, I have to say Thank You to Susan...had you not made this site free for discussion...I would never have learned what I have in the short month I have been here.  Yes, I have over 2 years to be a Rapunzil, but thanx to the free access that Susan has given me....I might be able to....for the first time in 20 years of being on these awful meds, grow my hair so its really nice, classical length. 

Susan, I solute you for this gift.  Thank you for this site...you are a wonder.  And thank you to all who contibute.

JD

J-dog,
I was out of town for the weekend, and off the site. Now I just caught up on your journal. I'm jealous that I don't have cowboys riding horses at my grocery store. LOL. I also love riding and horses, but have never owned one, so I know what you mean about wishing you could run errands on a horse.
As for having you on the site, I love reading your journals and hearing about your success! It encourages me too and I've got a least two years of growing to get to any real length. Also, I have really bad eczema and other skin issues, so I enjoy these all natural suggestions and recipes on the site too.

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Awwww JD, you are MORE than welcome!  I am so happy the site has helped you out and brightened your days.  Your post certainly brightened mine!  :)

Roomtogrow,

I am sure you feed your cat enough!!  It is just a fun little game for the little guy/gal.

It is not the sugar that does it, it is the baking soda, but ants will not take the baking soda unless you make it sweet.  That is why you do a 50/50 mix with icing sugar.  Actually last night as I watched them, I couldn't decide if they were taking my little recipe or the stain, so I clean it all up including the oj.  I then found the attraction was not so great.  Sooooo, I mixed the baking soda with liquid honey (which I would have done in the first place had I realized I had honey).  Well, I put out abut 2 tsp of this mix and it was gone by morning.  Today I found the place they are coming from (floor boards as you mentioned) made another batch and put it right outside the hole they come up.  Lord there are hundreds of the things....and I did give in and vacuum a bunch of them up.  I also dropped this tasty little treat in the kitchen to see what would happen.  None in the kitchen it seems...just in my darned bedroom...so tomorrow I am going to very seriously inspect my window but I may have to think about keeping something on it to kill entering ants as I can't imagine finding a hole that small (these guys are only about 3 mm long and 1 mm thick).  Hopefully my theory that the queen came in on a dog is right and once I get this little infestation done...it will be over....Pls God, pls.

JD

Quote:

Oops, so sorry Cadie, I wondered if you were male when you said you were 6'4.     I am glad I could answer some questions for you thought.

LD, I agree with you entirely.

I am too tired to say too much tonight.  I wanted to come on to say that tomorrow I have to go to the dreaded hairdresser....although mine seems pretty good.  I will be interested to see if she sees a difference in my hair since I have not seen her since joining LL.  I want her to trim the 0.5 inches of uneven hair...but I don't see any split ends so I am hoping that is all she will need to take.  I color my hair so tomorrow my roots will be done so I am doing a store bought deep conditioner tonight to make sure that it takes well and that it does not do too much damage to my hair.  My hair dresser does a 15 minute deep condition after the color and before the cut so that helps too.

I have been really busy...and will be until Monday.  I will give you all a run down then but I am tired and want to look what other people are doing right now rather than writing about me.  Take care all.

JD

jd-how did the hair dresser go?

Hey, thanx for asking Roomtogrow.  I am out to lunch on a decision about my hair appt.  She did the roots really nicely.  That looks good.  She fixed my bangs (I need bangs...my forehead is quite high) .She evened out the end since my Mum told me that I had some straggly bits that were about 0.5 inches longer than the main hair growth and she trimmed a little to take care of any split ends.  I told her not to dry and style it for me...  She even used my wood comb from Ric the Combmaker to save breakage when she had to comb it out to cut it.  And she told me it is very healthy and I am doing all the right things.

Last night I did a deep condition overnight and I am trying to decide what conditioning would do it the best tonight.

Why I say I am out to lunch on my decision about my hair is that it seems frizzy and shorter now.  That said, there is actually a humidity warning out today where I live so the humidity could be the cause for the frizzy thing and my hair curls more when it is humid so that might explain why it is feeling shorter.

Actually, a question came up for me at the dresser today which I would love an answer too.  I usually do let her dry and style my hair and not doing so is fine right now in the hot summer.  Winter will come though and in the depths of winter my  hair will freeze within 2 minutes of walking out of the dresser...which cannot be good for my hair and I know is not good for me.  What do other people in really cold climates do?  Do you let the stylist blow dry it, wrap it all up in a ski hat?  What do you do?

JD

Thanx LD.  I will look into it.

JD

Hello All.  I have been so busy, all I have had time to do is check on other people's journals rather than my own.

I have finished the garage, at least until I seal the floor and put rubber around the bottom of the dry wall so I am able to hose the garage out without damaging the walls.  That is planned for September.  All these things cost money!!

The house has had a really good clean.  The walls have been washed down, the carpets cleaned, the windows done and I have cleaned out all but 2 closets in the house.  I will get those over the week.  I even pulled everything out of the crawl space and cleaned that all up.  My basement is not finished (stay tuned...that is in a couple of years I hope) but I did scrub down the cement floor.  I do that about once a year because of the animals hanging out down there.

Saturday my sister and I spent the day together cooking and made up about 45-50 individual dinners for each of us.  Much cheaper and healthier than buying premade meals.  They are now frozen in my big freezer for when I go back to work.  Oh ya, have I mentioned yet that I am going back to work on July 16th.  Finally.

As for my ants...I got it down to seeing one or two feeding for days and thought I had it licked.  I guess some breeding happened before I put down the lethal food because I went to get rid of the ant feed today to discover about 100 ants there.  GRRR.  Okay folks, if I have not gotten rid of this problem before I go back to work, I am pulling out the big guns.  Yup, pesticides !!!

Ok, I know, you are all going to be nice and smart and tell me the risks, especially with the animals.  I appreciate that and I think it would be a good things...except...well as you all know, I used to be a vet.  I mentioned I was a toxicologist.  Well, I study pesticides so I figure I have all this covered. 

And just so you all know, I do not believe in the cosmetic use of pesticides (lawns, etc) but trust me that we would be in a lot of trouble without pesticides.  Every year we have molds and bugs try to take out crops.  I mean these things are huge and lethal.  Think of a mold taking more than half the wheat crops on the praries (for you North Americans).  People would starve, cattle would starve (leaving lots of dead rotting caracasses for farmers with no income to dispose of the cattle), the deaths would cause new bacteria to form and that would become lethal, etc...  And if you think that 'pesticides' haven't always been used...think of creosote which thousands used because it was natural...and happens to be banned now because it is VERY carcinogenic.  Natural is not always better.  At least I work for an Agency that makes sure that things are safe for the public.  It is all to long to explain here unless someone wants a run down so I will shorten it by saying this...I look at these studies and determine if they are something I would let my family near (including my 4 legged ones) when I am regulating them.  Oh, just in case anyone forgot, I have no shares in these products (forbidden under gov't rules) and do not produce them.  I review the data, place safety factors and determine if they should be allowed on the market at all.  Just so you all know (and I know this applies in Australia, NZ, Cnd, US and the UK) even once I have reviewed the data and made a decision, I must present the data to 2 separate commitees and get them to agree with me....meaning, no single person does the decision.  Ok, enough about defending myself.   

Hair has nothing interesting to report.  Still waiting to measure my hair in July (which I could do any time now) so I can figure if my hairdresser took off more than I wanted.  I like to get my mom to measure it since doing it on my own I always get different lengths each time I measure.    

My hair does seem much healthier since I have joined LL.  I am grateful to everyone here for that, as you have all helped me so.

As for my weight, notice the ticker is not going down.  In fact I have not weighed lately since I am afraid that it is going up.  Grr.  Oh well, once I get back to work it should start to drop.  My meals will be much better planned, I will be dying to walk or run at lunch to get out for a little, and then there are the floors and floors of stairs (I don't use the elavators so I can burn calories). 

Ok, this is a long entry.  Sorry folks.  I think I will go do an avacado/coconut milk and jojoba oil deep condition and maybe a facial.  BTW, I have liquid Vitamin E here for my poor Joey.  Does anyone know if putting that into the deep conditioning mixes I do will help my hair?

JD

oh and don't be discouraged about the weight. sometimes it just hits a plateau and then moves down again soon. keep up your good work!

Today was nothing special.  I took Joey to an Old Folks Home to do a visit and cheer them up.  He liked it and I know they did!!  I wish I could get Joey back into that (he is a certified Canine Good Citizen) but I think it is too much for him on a regular basis.  Maybe I will look into something once in a while.

I went to see the folks.  Dad is quite ill...but will recover.  I did a few jobs for them that they can't.  Parents (or perhaps I should qualify with 'good' parents) are great.

I did go for a nice massage today.  It was much needed and relaxing.  My massage therapist has been trying for a couple of years to have kids and has had to very nasty miscarriages that almost killed her.  She found out last night that she is going to Africa to adopt a little 4 month old boy.  LOL, I thought only pregant women glowed.  She is so happy.  I am very happy for her, but I cannot help feeling envy.

My hair got a trim this month and apparently was cut enough that no length has been gained this month.  Sigh.  Oh well.  And just to add to things, that darned psoriasis is back.  So, I have just greased my scalp with the darned medication and think I will do a EVOO infused with rosemary treatment tonight on my little ponytail.  Hey, I have to wash my hair tomorrow with that awful tar shampoo anyway, even though it is not a wash day. 

I try to remind myself that this horrible bout with the disease will be a memory in a year, I will be thin again, I will have another 6 inches of hair (I hope).  Patience right?

BTW, I had asked about Vitamin E on hair.  Someone said that taken internally it is good (which is true) but nobody seemed sure on hair.  I did some research and found it does work topically for some people but is hard to wash out.  Last night I added a bit to my avacado/coconut milk/jojoba oil and sweet almond oil mix.  I liked the results.  I did not even do an AVC to rinse it out.  My hair was soft and shiney after.  I think I will keep doing that, although I just realized I forgot to put cocoa butter in my mix.  Oops.

I think I will go on Ebay and see about a couple more satin pillow slips.  I do rather like them.  LOL, so do my animals.  Maybe one day I will buy sheets to match them.  One day...but not today...for everything must be earned, one step at a time.

JD

hehe! I have to hide any chocolate that comes in the house from my boyfriend... he's even worse than me with that. Me: self control, only eats 4 hersheys kisses at a time. him: eats whole bag. looks for more. 

Well, one week from today I will be preparing things so I can go back to work on the Monday.  Half of me can't wait.  I have worked out my budget so that I should pay everything off after being off work for 8 months by about April and I hope to take off the extra weight by then too so that this is just a bad memory.  The other half of me is terrified. What if I relapse?  What if I cannot manage everything anymore?  You know, all those little fears and a lot of anxiety coming up. I will be glad when the re-adjusting time is over.  That said, I do not want to wish the summer away.  I so love summer.  Fall is pretty but with the hour change, the shorter days and the pending freezing temperatures and short days (did I mention short days?) bother me.  My health is at its worst in the winter.

I put coconut oil on my hair last night.  I was woken up at 2 by a kitty trying to lick it all off.  I guess he likes coconut oil.  I figure 1) it is not good to have his little raspy tongue on my hair and 2) coconut is a laxative so I don't think I should let him do that.  I might have to put it up in my satin sox when I oil it like that and hope I can get the oil out of the sox with baking soda.

I have a few hair questions;  actually, hair accessory questions.  I was speaking with someone about  Holly Marie Combs yesterday and it came up that some of her hair do'es were quite nice.  One I loved was the hair sleeve.  So, the first question is:  will they damage my hair being made of leather?  The second question is (assuming that they will not damage my hair) where can I get one without the celtic symbol on it indicating it is a "Charmed" prop?

The next question is about where I can get hold of snoods?  I don't sew.  I am useless on the artistic level.  I am a scientist...pure and simple.  Can anyone tell me where I can buy them?

Thanx for your help as always,

JD

LOL, thanks RTG, I will call on you when I get down on life.  You are sooo cute (and yes I am a woman and do love men...just so no one takes that wrong).

JD

lol, joeydog-no misunderstanding here. and you are right, i am cute! jk. 
anyway, in a similar experience, my cat tries to lick my facial moisturizer off at night, since it's all natural and made of flower extract.

It'll be ok. Just breathe and try to relax.  Sometimes just deep breathing will help ya out.  Tonight you can look back and say you made it through.  Keep your eye on the "end of the tunnel",you'll do just fine!  I know you will!!

Thank you ladies for your support.  RTG, you make me laugh.  I am so grateful you write the things you do.  Today went worse than I anticipated....bs for the most part...but today I want to 'rant' about something else.

"Pride cometh before the fall".  I wrote that to a member about a month ago because I was concerned that they were not asking for help when they might need it.  I have noticed that the member has not made a comment on my journal (which the used to) and that the member has not discussed thing relating to the topic I said that about.  I was not trying to tell them that they were to full of pride, but to think about it...Now, I still stand by what I said, but just to show I am not a hypocrit (sp?) I want to talk about me doing the pride before the fall.

Sorry, I have to do a bit of history here...and I will really try to be short...but I have some doubts...

As you all know, my hubby and I are split...why...well, when my disease started up again (I don not have cancer but I go in out of remission like cancer) and the pain was unbareable, he ran up the bills, did nothing (and I mean NOTHING around the house and said I was to much of a ... well it rhymes with witch) to deal with.    Ya, I could be a witch...but the pain was terrible and I was trying to work (and I was out an hour longer than him every day), pay off his bills (did I mention he had 2 bankruptcies (sp)) and run the house alone.  Not pretty.  Anyway, he ran home to Mommy (yes he is 49 and has lived there most of his life).  Now that I am getting better again, he wants back.

Now, I am not letting him back.  My disease will come back and if he cannot be there for me unless I am the "Rock" then I cannot deal with it.  There is no future in that.  What if I did get cancer, or need a heart surgery or something...would he run home to mom until I was well.

So, 2 days ago I told him to come and get the rest of his stuff on Sunday and be on his way.  (Thankfully the house, my car, and everything I own and he has no claims on it as I covered myself before we married and was actually able to claim that he was a tenant due to his bankruptcies.  All I had to prove was that my finincial obligations had not been covered by his ... corruption of creditors, which I kept all my reciepts for and could prove).

Now, as I mentioned, I had said he was...lazy.  Since I bought this house almost 3 years ago, I have had certain jobs for him which I felt were 'man' jobs...things like drywalling the garage, wiring electricity into my crawl space and stuff like that. 

Well, he never did it and I have done most of those jobs myself over the past 2 months...but here comes the point, having got the history out of the way...

Tonight I found myself walking around the house figuring out the few jobs I had not done (all of which would take me about 2 full days).  I suddenly got it in my head that I could have that done before he comes to get his stuff on Sunday. 

Now, if you have been following my journal... you know I am going back to work for the first time in 8 months (due to illness) on Monday.  I need to rest...but because of pride, I thought about busting my....behind instead of resting.  Wrong answer, JD!!!  The hospital is concerned about me working 8 hours a day 3 days a week as it is...I do not need to wear myself down before then.

"Pride cometh before the fall".  JD does not need help with these things...but JD will put herself back if she follows her pride to show someone she is ok alone.  Tonight I remind myself that my pride could hurt me too.

Pride has many forms...today that was my form...and today I accept that my pride was going to get the best of me...and I am withdrawing.  We ALL ( I don't not care who you are) let pride govern us at times.  Today I am pleased to say...I know my pride was getting out of hand...and I stand down.

To the member I wanted to have this read...pls, start talking about the things you used to talk about...I was not judging you and I do not believe anyone here does either...we all have our moments...This was mine.

JD

I have to agree with Angel... If he cut and ran when you were ill, and now wants back... well.. he reminds me of a fish I had named Bofess (short for Bottom feeding scum sucker  )

And even if one is not religious.. that passage still should be the guide to life and love! If you can't find a romantic partner that will be there for you through all things... good AND bad... at least know you have friends who love you and will support you.    *hug* I'm glad you realized what a lousy chit he was.

Some guys.... Thank god your done with him!  (((hugs)))

LOL, I have visions of me calling him Bofess when he is here getting his stuff on the weekend.

I spent some time last night making up one of Curly64's deep conditioning mix and infusing EVOO so that I don't have to worry about such things when I first go to work.  One of my friends who is a gourmet chef called while I was making up my mixes.  He laughed and told me I was like a witch brewing potions.  It made me laugh.

As I have mentioned before, I love Holly Maire Combs.  I watch Charmed religiously actually.  I know, I am probably a bit old for it, but I relate with the character of Piper.  Her obsession with cleaning, family and always striving for a normal life are things I get.  Ok, so I am not a witch...but I feel like I am always struggling for a normal life because of my illness...which is my personal demon to be vanquished!!  So, being compared to a witch made me laugh.

Anyway...I used the Curly64 'potion' today and my hair is great now.  It is nice and soft and shiny.  Thanx Curly.  I still have 3 batches left for once I am at work and maybe I will make more tonight to freeze.

I ordered 5 shampoo bars from Ida of Chagrin and they arrived earlier this week.  Ida was really sweet and put a couple of sample bars in the package for me.  I usually use the Mud and Clay, and sometimes the Neem, both of which I love.  I tried the sample of Rosemary and Mint today.  As is the case with the other bars, it is great.  I love it...but I still feel the Mud and Clay is the best for my hair.  I can't remember what the other sample is...but I will tell you about it when I try it.

RTG, I am flattered that you feel that was a good project for me to have done (garage).  Hopefully in about 2 years I will be posting things about how finishing the basement is driving me nuts.  Oh will I be glad once that is done.  I think next year I will be building a shed...if I can find the money.  Just because I don't have a man here, it doesn't mean I wont get things done as they were planned when he was here!

To ge the full effect, the proper pronunciation of Bofess is something like "boo-fuss"...  so that it rhymes with dufus 

You're welcome,JD!  Glad you like the conditioner recipe!  For a hair refresher when you need it,try Prairieland shampoo bars,they have great lather!!!!

EEEKKK.  Okay, here comes a rant that is not about hair or educational!!!

My b-day is tomorrow.  I went to get my mail today and found a rainbow of colorful cards...11 to be exact.  I thought, as I walked up the driveway, my friends have this snail mail thing down pat to get them all to me on the last mailing day before my b-day.  Then I started thinking...wait, other than my family (who I will be with tomorrow) I have already got cards from everyone.

Flash back---if you remember, earlier this week I said I had to go for lunch and one of the people coming I could not stand...in fact, he repusles me. 

You got it...all  11 cards are from him!!!  Five of them = one from one of each of my own animals, 2 = cards from each of his two, and the other 4 are from him.   Gawd.

Look, I know the guy is really rich (at least a million and with his mom going to die before Xmas, a multimillionaire) and that his sister (who is the 3rd best brain surgeon in the world and owns a Castle in Scotland and one in Florida) I could find worse guys...but the fact is...I can't stand him. 

We fought 2 nights ago when I told him there has never and will never be anything between us, and he told me ....ugh..."I won't let you go, you are too special."  I told him he never had me to let me go but he can't get it.  AAAAAHHHHHH

About 3 months ago he came over with a group of my friends.  Now I am not confrontational, but after he got to friendly with me in my kitchen in front of our mutual friends...I threw him out of the house with a "Don't ever talk to me again" message.

At 4 in the morning I was woken up by my phone ringing and his name coming up on the call display.  I did not answer, but he called every 10 minutes until 7 am when I finally answered.  He told me I had hurt him so much he had slit his wrists (are you all getting why he freaks me out yet?).  Of course I asked him if he was serious and then called 911 (with no address or anything since I have NEVER been to his house).  911 used his phone number that was on my phone to hunt him down.  He ran from the house knowing they were coming and the cops had to break down his door to figure he was not there.  The found his massive GI Joe set (covers the bottom 5000 sq feet of his house from what they told me) and asked me if he could be armed.  This was a week after the massacre in Virginia so I hardly knew what to say.  The cops spent 12 hours looking for him when he suddenly phoned me from home again!!!!

I told this idiot I had to go to the bathroom and ran outside and called the police on my cell.  They asked me to go back on the phone with him (he was on hold) and to take my cell so they could hear what I was saying.

He kept on going about how he had now taken pills.  His dogs started barking in the background so I told him it was the police and he had to answer the door.  Get this...he said no so the police broke down his door....AGAIN and hauled him out of there...btw, the cops told me there were no cuts on his wrists, etc when they took the phone from him and reported their badge number for me to tell 911.

You will loooove this.  The cops took him into hospital and he maintained he never told me he was trying to kill himself and they let him go.  Thank God 911 had me keep them on the phone while talking to him.  They were telling me in one ear what to ask him and I was telling him I had a bad connection so I was repeating what he replied to make sure I had it right.  I could have been charged with mischief had that not been happening.  I think that is why 911 asked me to ask the cop that took the phone from the idiot to give me a badge number so there was no doubt what I was saying was real.

My friends are trying not to get caught in the middle, but frankly, this guy really worries me and there is nothing I can do.  I did put in a court order that he cannot phone me (and silly me accepted the call last night to try to get him to understand I have no interest in him)...but unless he harms me...I cannot stop him sending mail or showing up where I am.  I don't like to ask friends to take sides, but I really think they should take enough of a side with me to stop inviting him with us when I am going.  He has even admitted to them that he did do all those calls about suicide and they tell me to play nice!!!  AHHHHHHHHH.

Oh, by the way, he is married and his wife put him in a psychiatic institute (against his will...which is the important part since lots of people self admit and are fine socially) after he punched her out.  Of course, according to his side of the story, he never touched her...gee, why don't I believe him.

Sad part is, this guy makes my hubby look like an angel.  My hubby wants a piece of him.  I don't think I had better mention this latest violation to my hubby.  Hubby might be immature and unthoughtful...but at least he is sane.  (and I hate to call anyone anything bad when it comes to mental health, but I don't think the idiot is sane).

I know some of you are going to say to put the letters back in the mail unopened marked 'return to sender' which would have been smart, had I not opened them all to find out who they were from.

Thank you for putting up with my newest rant.  This guy is such a piece of work.

JD

wow jd, stay clear of him if you can. maybe even send the letters back? sounds like he is crazy and dangerous, and at the very least just not the guy for you.
as for your birthday-happy birthday. please be safe and maybe hang out with other friends on your big day so this guy doesn't try to come around.

JD, I'm sorry to say that I've been stalked and had it escalate to the point of a succesful restraining order.

Write down when and where he shows up, and what he says to you if you can.  In the future, if he harms you this will be a great help.

I'm sorry you're going through this.  It really sucks.  Luckily you have caller ID-DO NOT TAKE ANY MORE OF HIS CALLS!

You might want to compose a cease and desist letter(keep a copy for yourself), and then be sure to document all the crap he pulls 'cause he's obviously a control freak.

You deserve to be happy and healthy.  It is not your fault these nuts have come after you.

Stay safe!  Oh yeah, Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!

JD, I'm sorry to say that I've been stalked and had it escalate to the point of a succesful restraining order.


Sakina, I just realized what you wrote...I said I could not get an order unless he hurt me first....I hope you were not hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JD

Happy Birthday,Jd!!!  Enjoy to your hearts content!!

Thank you everyone.  I had a good day at the folks and a really yummy dinner.  Hope you all had a good day.

JD

I forgot how much work it is to set up lunches, snacks, meds, gym clothes, travel mugs for coffee, thermos for coffee, etc for work could be...The day is over half gone and I have only just finished...although

I went to my health food store to buy some things for my hair, including the ingredients for the recipe, thanx Curly 64, GREAT

http://www.longlocks.com/cgi-bin/yabb/YaBB.pl?num=1180916663/0

Anyway, when I had to ask for help to find the aloe, the clerk stood next to me as I took a quick look at the ingredients...and as we stood there she said to me "What do you use for your hair...it is sooo shiny.".  I had to laugh as I told her that was what the aloe and other little goodies in my cart were for.  I told her about LL and she is going to be checking it. 

As you all know, my hair is not all that long...but obviously what I am learning here is doing me some good.  Thanx to you all.

Now I have to do some ironing...ugh.  I really hope I can sleep tonight.

JD

Well, first day back at work.  As I suspected, I did not sleep much last night, and my cat climbing on the counter and turning on the blender at 2 am did not help!!!  God love them...

Work was fine.  I was honored when I got there and found my office decorated both for my welcome back and my B-day and cards for each, both signed by all my co-workers.

By 1 today, my trainees from months ago were back in my office asking questions...which instilled a lot of confidence in me since I could still answer them all.  And when I had to explain something (work related) in great detail to my boss, I was thrilled!!!  I still know my stuff!!!

The morning routine went much better than I expected since the animals seemed to understand they had to get moving.  On top of that, I even did my usual routine of cleaning my kitchen (Monday night job) once I got home from work.

My friends at work wanted to know if I was running today.  I had decided to start next week to give myself a break, and that is what I told them.  I did tell them I had brought running shoes for a lunch time walk though.  At noon sharp, 4 of my female friends showed up to walk with me and said they would each of the 3 days I am in a week.  Now I think I might start running the 4 days I am off and walk with them the other days.  I HAVE to lose this weight.

I keep meaning to try my belly dancing tape.  I haven't... .  I think I am motivated enough now to do it tomorrow.  Heck, I ran up the stair (5 floors each time x 7 times) today, ate right, walked...this is diet material!!!!

Hair - OMG...the worst day I have had in weeks.   Even though it was not hot I guess the humidity was up.  I had frizzy hair huge!!!  Just awful!!!

When I got home tonight I had gotten (in the mail) my Curly Girl Handbook as Indigo had said I would PLUS I got my new silk pillow slips!!!  Cool.  I have looked at the book quickly and one thing I live is that there are no models (well, ok a couple of movie stars to help you learn what type of curly hair you have) but rather normal, average people.  I see me sitting here tonight reading it.  Excited about that....DARN, forgot to get popcorn to sit and relax with.  Guess I have to make a real dinner after all.

I am happy.  I loved being at work today.  I hope I can get back full time soon.

JD

I had a very quiet day today.  I could not sleep last night until after 2 and having been on the go since 3:30 am yesterday morning, I ended up sleeping in today.

I sat quietly reading until about 2 this afternoon at which point I cleaned my living room and dining room, got my things together for tomorrow (work), went for a run (if you can call it that), had a shower and then make dinner.  Here I am now.

My hair is not behaving.  It is frizzy again.  I dunno what is going on.  Grr.  I dunno what to do.  I guess I will have to think about that for tomorrow night when I can do any kind of conditioning I can think of and then wash it out on Thursday when I am not at work.  Any suggestions?

I watched the belly dancing video today (I like to watch something once before I do it).  I can't imagine my body ever moving like that but it sure wont unless I try to learn.  It is longer than I expected.  I am trying to figure out how I will fit in an hour of that and an hour of weights in one day.  I mean, the day is only so long and I think that both should be done the same day so that the muscles get a day to rest inbetween.  Lets not forget too, that I want to get back to running so I can run a marathon next summer.  That will take up at least an hour each of the days I do weights plus one.  I do have a job too!!!!  Sigh.  But I can't help feeling that I would be in such great shape if I could do it all, plus the belly dancing will strengthen my core which is good for running.  Help you keep your chest lifted so you get lots of air in the lungs. Not to mention that little issue of 40 lbs that I have to lose.  It is so bad (my weight) that it causes me stress all the time, even in my dreams.  That can't be healthy and the weight sure isn't.

Oh well, I guess I will have to work it out.

JD

I have the DVD "Belly Twins Bellydance Core Conditioning".  It looked like a good place to start.  You do know it is all your fault I am starting this!!! 

I would like to run a marathon.  Hell, all the people I taught to run the 5k last year have run a half marathon or marathon since then.  Now here I am trying to get back to the 5k.    Notice the ticker below...I have a long way to go to get back to it. 

Actually, if I train straight though it will take 52 weeks to train (10 weeks for each the 5 and 10 k, then 16 weeks for the half marathon and the marathon.  That is okay though.  By then I should have peeled of this disgusting fat and be in time for the cancer run in September.  The hard part about the training is when freezing rain comes down or the temp is 30 (celcius) below in the winter.  I do have a treadmill which catches a lot of dust that I can use though.  I just hate it though.  I get so bored on it.  The treadmill makes enough noise that one cannot hear the TV though so thats out.   Truth be know, I would just be happy if I could do a half marathon.

I have been thinking about how to fit all the exercising in.  For now, while I am only working 3 days a week, I can do the weights and DVD on my days off.   What I will do when I get back to full time I don't know.  I guess I will take that as it comes.

Anyway, the battle of the bulge is on.  Today I will use the stairs all day (5 floors up and down each time I want a smoke and when I arrive and leave) and then I will take a walk at lunch.  Tomorrow is running day...and all the rest I guess.  It is a lot easier to watch what I eat on work days since I take my own food (no caf for me) and that controls my choices and amounts.

Hair is a bit less frizzy this morning.  I used a bit of jojoba oil last night to try to get it under control.  I might be using the AG tonight.  We will see.

Well, better finish getting ready for work.  Need to drink my smoothie and today it will empty the blender so I will have to clean that, which is always a chore after smoothies.

Well, today was not the day I expected at all.  I did NOTHING.  Hard to do much when you can't stand up. My arthritis kicked in badly today with the rain and all.  I just started suffering this in the last year.  It sucks!!!  But it is all the more reason why I must lose the weight to take the stress off the joints.  Anyway, that will mean a busy day tomorrow getting the groceries done and meds picked up after work.  Hopefully on Sat I will get in my run, belly dancing and weights.

RTG, I make my own infused EVOO.  I buy my sage and rosemary in bulk at the health food store.  Then I mix 1/2 cup sage, 1/2 cup rosemary and 1 cup EVOO, let it stand over night, sieve off the oil and put it in a dark container (or you can just wrap the container with tin foil) and use as needed.  Chamomile has been suggested to me too...but I can't find any, unless I buy the tea and take it out of the bags...which would be expensive.

My hair is just drying right now...so I can't say how it is doing.  EVOO can't have hurt though.  If it dries badly, I will use my AG Deep tonight and just rinse it out before I go to work tomorrow.

Well, I am feeling flat this week.  I am tired and not interested in much.  I haven't even been reading all your journals.  It just seems like too much effort. 

My hair is driving me nuts.  It is so frizzy.  I don't know what to do for it.  I am wondering if it is the shampoo.  I am using a sample from Ida of Chagrin and the more I think about it, the more I think my hair started getting frizzy when I started using it.  So, when I next wash my hair I will go back to my mud and clay shampoo from Ida. 

Oh, my hubby came by today.  He has the part I need to download pics from my camera onto the computer.  He is bringing it to me on the weekend (if he remembers...if his head wasn't attached he'd forget that when he went out).  At that time I should be able to get a pic of my hair on here.  Hopefully it wont be frizzy when I take the pic. 

JD

You have my sympathy, JD.  My family has a tendency toward depression, although not nearly to this degree.  Perhaps the tendency is in part mitigated by living in the south.  Hmmm.  I'm trying to think if I did better living in Saudi Arabia.  

I don't think I could tell, since living there was so VERY high stress.  Locked on a compound, unable to leave the country or the city, unable to rent or buy a car, able to socialize with only about 50 more people, only one restaurant, no movie theater, church fellowship of less than 20 people, the people I worked with were the same I lived with who were the same I socialized with...After living in the 5th largest city in America...Nah, I don't think I could tell if the quantity of sunlight made a difference.  

I think my worst bout of depression was when I was pregnant.  I started having contractions that my doctor ASSURED ME were not labor.  It was my second baby, and it sure as heck FELT like labor.  They would start about an hour and a half after I went to bed, last the next four or five hours, then stop about an hour and a half before I had to get up.  I had a four year old, so not getting up and functioning wasn't an option.  This went on for five weeks.  

If you had taken a man, and for over a month given him 3 hours of sleep a night and subjected him to wracking pain for the other five, you would have called it what it was.  TORTURE!    Instead of "the discomfort of late pregnancy."  

The worst part was having to choose to live every day.  Walking up or down a flight of stairs and choosing not to throw myself down them.  Slicing a tomato and choosing not to use the knife on myself.  Driving my car and choosing not to drive it off a bridge, into a wall, or whatever happened to occur to me and be available.  It was exhausting.  I cannot imagine it doing six months out of every year.  You have my admiration as well.